Victorian Graces

Occasionally, I write things people don’t agree with.
Probably a lot of times.
I remember I once made very negative comments towards evangelical fundamentalist conservative christians.
Everything I said was not fair.
Everything probably wasn’t true.
I’m sure of it.
And even my own mother called me very upset with what I said.
We talked a long time. It was the first time in my adult life my mom and I got into a heated discussion.

Most times I don’t debate. Yell. Well, I never yell. Usually, I withdraw. I just don’t feel like fighting. Unless its on issues of same sex orientation, treatment of children or sexual abuse.

Those are my soapboxes and I’ll preach till I’m blue in the face and debate until there are not words left.

Doesn’t mean I think I’m right and the other person is wrong. Doesn’t mean anything really. Just means I have my perspective on these things.

Sometimes I write all kind of crazy things on my blog.
Parts are true life accounts. Parts are thoughts. Parts are poems.
I get mad and vent and write horrid things.
Then I go back and write a different kind of thing.

Take for example two entries regarding Daniel, my ex-step father.
Dear Mr. Molestor..I mean Daddy
and there’s also Happy Birthday Daddy.

Point is, I alter my state every day.
Depending on the minute, day, year…I emote different things, I act a certain way, say a different thing. And its ok. Its called being human.

I was disgusted before when an educational blog made a RACIST comment about someone who made an ignorant comment “allegedly” about them. I can’t support racism. Even when its a black person being racism to a white. That is never okay!

I then became upset with many different perspectives because I felt they were limited and judgmental. It is okay for me to be upset when I want to. That little thing became a bigger thing when a certain person continued to contact me regarding it. Many people said don’t give them the satisfaction of responding. I agreed. But I also know that my sarcasm can provoke hell on earth from imbalanced people. And sometimes, I take advantage of that. Am I proud of that? No. But I don’t like weak people giving me that power over them. But I still shouldn’t take advantage of that.

As the exchange spiraled out of control, a crimeless victim emerged. And her supporter. I’m going to call her Ms. Eve.

Some of her comments were these. (Please note they have been edited so that she doesn’t come across as a screaming banchee)

you’re a psycho with a troubled past

If by troubled past you mean abuse, death, tragedy, hardship, betrayal, all kinds of things done to me or by me…then yes, trouble past. One that every other person in the world has. We all have troubles in our past. And if that makes me a psycho, we all are psychos.

you’re fucking crazy.

Thats probably true on many days. I’m sure we’re all crazy at different points in our life. Crazy in love, crazy about God. Crazy about work. If by crazy you mean, have I ever been sent to a mental hospital…no.

just because your dad felt you up at night when you were a child, and you chose to put all that shit out on the internet DOES NOT MEAN that you have the right/are responsible for holding other people up to your standard of living.

It wasn’t by dad. It was my step-father. And yes, I put info about sexual abuse on the internet and on my blog to keep people informed. Its an epidemic that is seldom talked about..especially in the church. So I will continue to tell the world my personal story of survival, growth, and forgiveness in regards to my abusive ex step father. And if that makes you uncomfortable that a woman would share her story so that others are informed, I don’t know what to say to you. And I will always hold people up to my standards. I expect certain things from life, from love, from friendships, from career, from myself. And I maintain a level of accountability to make sure I’m reaching and exceeding those goals and others are too. And say for example, if a friend didn’t want to maintain my standard of being gracious towards same sex oriented people…that person would no longer be my friend. If a job didn’t maintain my standard of fair pay…that would no longer be my job. If I am not working towards my goals of muscle tone with my trainer, eating right, calling my mother, or anything like that..I must check myself. I will hold people to my standards and their standards and the moral code, and many other things.

you are childish and stupid.

There are many books on embracing the child within you.
If by stupid you mean open-minded, well-read, cultured, professional, honest, bold, feisty, giving, among many other things…then yes I’m stupid.

So, in an effort to practice more of the victorian graces I said I was going to work on last year, on my public blog I’ll just say,

Go on a retreat, center yourself, get a spa treatment to have those toxins taken out, take a shot of jack, get laid…something.

That’s what I’ll say on this blog. 🙂

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