An Open Letter to the Dead ~ Maura DeSouza

Maura DeSouza,

I have to begin this letter with a story. When I was younger, about five years old, I used to believe things that were not true. When I cried I used to think that the earth took those tears that fell down my face and that it did the same for every single person in the entire world. All of our tears were soaked up the the earth. I then thought that when it rained, that was earth giving us back the tears that it had taken from us. So I believe that this was a cycle of the earth and humans sharing the pain. When we couldn’t take the pain anymore, we’d cry and give it to the earth. And when the earth couldn’t take the pain anymore, it would cry and give it back.

So as a child when it would rain, I’d point and say, “Look at all those tears!” and sometimes I’d run outside arms open wide and take them back for the earth.

I truly believed this! I had an Aunt who would walk me to school when I was little, Aunt Minnie and when ever I’d say, “Look at all those tears!” she would just say, “Yes, baby, look at all those tears.”

When I grew up and would encounter Aunt Minnie at family dinners and events, she’d always say, “Remember Sheena how when you were little and I’d walk you to school and you thought the earth was crying so you’d say, ‘look at all those tears.’?” I would smile and shake my head. She told me this memory EVERY time I saw her.

Years later, my Aunt Minnie died. It was hard on my entire family because of her magic in making everything all right. And that day, it rained at her funeral! I thought it was fitting. Since she loved that memory of u s two. I thought it was earth telling me, “Sheena as I’m taking your Aunt into my soul, I’m crying.” The earth was affected by my Aunt’s death too. It understood my pain. So I loved that it rained on her funeral.

As the years passed by a few uncles, friends, and even my best friend from college all died. MAURA, you will not believe this…but it rained on the day of ALL their funerals! I swear. And I thought it was so beautiful that the earth did this. That the earth was telling me, “Sheena, I’m hurting too!” It made me know there was a god. And that god, and earth, and me…we were all connected, all effected.

Today I wore a yellow sundress for you! I couldn’t be there in person to be beside Lydia and your family to give my support, but my spirit was there. And I wore this dress in honor of you.

Maura, I’m sure you already know this…but from where I was during the time of your memorial service, in Austin, Texas…it RAINED! It rained today. The earth was telling me, “Sheena, I know you and so many other people are so sad that Maura is no longer physically here in the body that you knew. And I am sad too. At this very moment, she is being laid inside my soul. I’m taking her into my core. I feel it. And I am saddened too. I am crying for Maura too!”

The rain was beautiful Maura. Parts of the sky still were beautiful and clear with the Sun shining through. And other parts were dark with clouds and tears falling down. I wanted to run out in the street in the middle of traffic and stop the world from moving. I wanted to open my arms wide up, lay my head back and take all the tears. Take the tears, so that I don’t have to see your dad and your mom cry. Take them so that Lydia doesn’t have a breakdown. I wanted everyone to stop and acknowledge that a shift had occurred in the universe. I wanted people to know we had lost a divine goddess. Lost ~ I use that loosely. We lost you in the way that we were most comfortable encountering you. In this human body. I know your spirit, your energy is still here. But still the world changed and even though I couldn’t make every single human know that…at least the earth knew and cried with me too.

Maura, you were so wonderful, so phenomenal, so amazing that the very earth cried for you today. That’s when you know your life is magical, when even nature calls out for you.

Your mother wrote about your memorial service on Maura vs. Toby. She said over 400 people showed up. Over half of them wore yellow. There were tons of sunflowers. Over 1000 paper cranes. There were tons of pictures of you, singing, food…it sounded like there was such a celebration of your life. So much love for you.

My mother and father bought sunflowers and we placed them all around the house in honor of you. I hope you like them. And I hope that I continue to see glimpses of you every day in my life in all kinds of ways.

Maura. Beautiful Maura.

Share

Tweet

Related posts: