A Tribal Counsel of Goddesses and Gods

by SLY on April 29th, 2010

The cult-like church community I was raised in, did me in when Pastor Gary Brown, after being told I was being sexually abused by Deacon and now Elder Daniel Young, used God to justify why I couldn’t go to the police. As a 12 year old, you do as you are told because that is what you are raised to believe. And when your entire life is tied up in this church so much so…..that you start to believe their every word, even what’s outside the bible, is gospel…you are just headed down a path of brainwashed religion and not true community.

Because of Truth Triumphant Ministries, because of my ex step father, because of that pastor and the unknowing members who continued to pester me about my attitude and disrespectful tendencies, once I was kicked out of that church…I told “the idea of community” to kiss my black ass!

In college, I tried to go to church and stopped after one or two sorry attempts. Throughout my life I have been a part of communities like the theater community at Wheaton College called WorkOut. And each of these communities in subtle ways have shown me that I don’t have to run like hell from groups and organizations.

This is all reflective speak. I had no idea until last week that I really hated “community” that much. I remember friends in college being a part of small group and something about that made me sick. Sure its so that you have a support system, have a place to be vulnerable and a place where people can hold you accountable and you commune with god..but I wasn’t giving anyone any part of me anymore. If the church couldn’t treat me right, then the rest of the world sucked balls too! But I didn’t know that I held this resentment and fear.

I wrote last week about Taking Control of the Healing Process and I mentioned how it comes in stages and phases. Sure you can be in a healthy romantic relationship right now, but maybe you still don’t trust the legal system. Or maybe you don’t have the physical scar your rapist left on your body, but perhaps you still can’t mentally realign yourself to positive thinking. My dear friend One Survivor even mentioned in the comments of that blog post how healing comes in layers too. So it comes in stages, phases and layers. Its multi faceted and is an on going journey.

My healing towards the idea of community began this month unbeknownst to me. I really couldn’t tell you where it started. I read something about Sexual Assault Awareness month and so I decided all month long I’d write too. I started to see a few people who were constantly writing too. Then I watched a live interactive show and those watching shared their links for facebook and twitter and then we were retweeting each other’s post and sending encouraging uplifting words to each other. Next thing I know I signed up to become part of AOA and they are all saying, ‘Come to the conference!” Then Angela’s tweeting that she hearts me and thanking me for retweeting and spreading awareness. Next thing I know its 3 or 4 am and I’m watching a 24 hour blogathon donating money and laughing with a group of woman as on the hour every hour a new post is put up to spread awareness about abuse and assault. (Please note: The AOA has been reformatted. This conference is now invite only with a secret committee and I no longer donate or affiliate with this particular organization.)

Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. Here I was in the midst of women and men sharing myself without trepidation and fear, communing, sharing advise, encouraging, supporting, laughing, writing and all within a community. Without even thinking about it. And they all just welcomed me in right away. I mean right away. And even when I tweeted that Elder Daniel Young, the molester was teaching teenagers on sexuality, I got an overwhelming response from them asking, “Who do we need to send letters to! What do we need to do to put a stop to this?”

I really wish I could describe this epiphany and this sudden change. All I know is now I am part of the Army of Angels.

Say for example, your fear is of heights. You are ready to take one step up a 100 story building, so you take one step but that’s it. And maybe two days later you take another step. Then you see ahead that there are three people already on floor 3 walking up too. So you walk a little faster and catch up with them. And you all are chit chatting, swapping stories, being silly, enjoying each other’s company and you have lost all track of time and next thing you know you have passed the 100th floor and you’ve walked through the door onto the roof and they are having a party and you just join right in. And you don’t even realize you’ve conquered the fear until you’re in the middle of dancing and you think, “Hey, I’m on the roof of a building and I don’t even care about the roof, this party is awesome and these people are amazing.”

When you are surrounded by love, fear doesn’t even have a place to reside. And I didn’t get this before. Surround yourself around uplifting, encouraging, empowering people because when your fears come and try to choke you, there isn’t even a place for them to go.

Some of these goddess are below. Read their words. Follow them on twitter. Learn their stories. These are powerful women with amazing businesses and organization or personal causes. They are joyful – not bitter. They are powerful – not bitches. They are thrivers – not victims.

There is Fluttering Designs. She makes amazing jewelry and has a cat that does back flips. I only know this because I stayed up until 5:59am to watch and participate in her 24 hour blogathon to raise money. (I can not believe I stayed up the entire night and at exactly 5:59..one minute before it ended I fell asleep. I woke back up 30 minutes later and was like, “Are you serious Sheena?”)

There is I Tell My Truth. She doesn’t update her blog as much right now. But she twitters like she breathes and she is like sunshine after a hurricane has ravished your soul!

There is Jaclyn Roars. And she roars very very loudly. And she is so honest in her writing, even writing about the difficult stuff we don’t really want to deal with like “Sex After Rape.” I mean who wants to talk about that? But as I read her post I was like, ‘Thank God someone is saying something. Because I have some issues I need to address.”

There is From Tracie. She is a powerhouse. I mean, like she is a lion. Her strength….just don’t even fuck with Tracie. But with her strength is also the sincerest welcoming love that is the warm fuzzy feeling you get when you know all is right with the world.

There is Kim from Modern Bag Ladies. She dances and she spreads joy. And even though her dances are fun and awesome, I think they are also the tribal dances that people do when they prepare for battle. She is armed with joy and power and in her fun dances, she manages to change the world and make you smile.

There is Positive Impact Living. First of all, she does just about everything. And she is one of the most creative people that I know full of wisdom and ideas and I LOVE IT! Creativity is my drug of choice and she keeps giving me hit after hit!

I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. This isn’t a victim group of women coming together crying or becoming raging feminist burning bras and saying all men are evil. They aren’t out to start a war, convert everyone and began a new religion. They are about spreading awareness, healing & thriving, providing resources and empowering. The people I’ve encountered are from all walks of life. Different religious affiliations. Different races, creeds and sexual orientations. Some are mothers. Some of wives. Some are 20. Some are 50. Some have suffered abuse. Some have not. We are not radical zealots proclaiming are own gospel. We are just sharing our stories and resources and being encouraging to one another.

If you are like I used to be, “Community” makes you want to vomit and spit on something pretty. But I’ve learned now. It is important. However, you can’t rush yourself if you are not ready to be a part of one. People used to try and force me to go to church when I was in college. Why they were so outrageous was beyond me! Because the God I serve would never be so insensitive! Plus God resides everywhere, so I can experience him in any moment.

Know that every community has its areas of growth.
Be careful not to idolize leadership. They are humans. Don’t ever forget that.
Watch out for radical fanatics. Some people think if you are not with them, you are against them. People who are that basic don’t belong in my life.
Take care of yourself. Community is great but don’t lose yourself within a community. The church I used to go to definitely wanted that. I remember a former member contacted me and the beginning of his letter was like “Dear Sis.” That’s because in the cult we used to attend, you had to call people sister or brother. That makes my skin crawl. So I wrote back saying, “Please call me Sheena. That’s my name.” And he says, ‘Out of respect I called you sister.” When was it ever outside of respect to call someone by their name. But I’ve learned that some communities want to strip you of your own identity and merge you into their group think. And that weird cultural tradition of calling people sister or brother, even years later translated into “respect.”
Understand that customs, traditions are a part of a community but that doesn’t mean its the natural order of every day life. Such as taking a woman’s name away and only calling her sister. I remember another member of that church would refer to me as “Child” when in my presence. So for a little while my ex step father would call me “Child” and not “Sheena” What the hell is that?
Use your own common sense, if you have any. No matter how wonderful a group is, say for example you father is sexually abusing you. If the pastor says, “God doesn’t want you to tell anyone.” Fuck God, fuck the pastor and call 9-1-1!

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