An Open Letter to the Dead – Tinuola Olateju
Dear Tinu,
You were six years old when I first met you. You reminded me of my seven year old sister. You were very sweet and happy with your new bedroom in the new big house. You gave me a tour of your room and your brothers vied for attention. They wanted to show their room too. I remember Cola doing a flip in the hall to get my attention. Sometimes you were quiet. But you were always watching. And I saw you watching. You were just very sweet and I saw my sister in you.
I am very sorry for what has happened. My soul feels very heavy and I can not breathe. It is very hard. I must say I remember being your age. I tried what you did when I was sixteen. I even cut myself. The scar has never gone away. And depending on the stage in my life, the reasons for such despair and the rejection of hope changed. Sometime I thought, I could finally feel again if I did it. Or I’d be free if I did it. Or maybe the voices would go away if I did it. Or the pain was just too unbearable. Or I didn’t deserve life. The reasons were endless and I remember. So I know. I know and I don’t know.
I see now something I didn’t see before. People say we have to live with our choices. But you made a choice and we are living with it. Other people live with our choices too. I never considered that when I was depressed years ago. And its hard. And I don’t understand it but I kind of do. I wish you could have read the letter I wrote my sister Hanna a few days before you died. Because that letter is for you. It’s for every little girl. It’s for every little boy too. The night it happened I told my sister how beautiful she was on facebook and I wish I could have told you too. I wrote a play in college called The Lament about a girl who takes her own life and now I can’t read it. Things have just changed.
February 15, 1995 – May 29, 2010
Facebook Group: In Loving Memory of Tinuola Olateju
Facebook Group: R.I.P Tinu
Relevant issues, sites, & topics….
Out of Darkness Overnight Walk
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Suicide Awareness Voices Education
PDF 
Grace as big as a Bag moved me. Your beautifully written words are ones we should all abide by. Thank you. Peace to you and your friends during this tragic time.
My heart is broken for my best friend Lola and all of the family. I cling to my little boy and pray that he never makes this choice. Thank you for ur words that are written so well. I met Tinu when she was 3 and i will never forget her smile nor her lovely laugh.
I cling to my newborn son and pray he never makes this choice. ur words are right on time and so real. My love goes out to the entire Olateju family.