I have not been sleeping well for weeks now. It was even worse once I was in Minnesota with Lola. Perhaps it wasn’t worse. Perhaps its just that there were witnesses and they were able to observe just how bad it was. I’m not sleeping and I know that it isn’t good. There are a lot of things on my mind. My soul is restless and perhaps I just need to Feng Shui my apartment with a space clearing according to the Bagua Chart, pour lavendar on my bed and burn some sage. I also need to rehang my dreamcatcher.
Not only am I not sleeping, I also find that I am not dreaming. More often than not, I suppose I’m just not remembering them.
Last night, I remembered!
This dream started out nicely. I was at a ski resort with friends, acquaintances, Mr. Officer and one of my sisters and my brother. The timeline is skewed because I was my present age and so was everyone else but Bianca and Daniel were 2 and 1 years old. In reality they are 16 and 14.
This winter wonderland ski trip was going well. Last I recall, Mr. Officer went off to do something and then there was this hot tub. There was this creepy guy trying to get people to get in the hot tub with him. He was older like 50 or 60. He tried to then get me into the hot tub and I clearly told him no. So then he tried to force me. We fought a bit, my cell phone went flying and broke and somehow I hit him. He fell backwards and hit his head thus rendering him unconscious.
I quickly grabbed my toddler siblings and ran to where there were others. I pleaded with them to call the police and to call Mr. Officer because my phone was broken. They just looked at me. There are two people in particular but I won’t mention their names. They just looked and did nothing. They agreed to watch my siblings while another man went with me to check up on the creepy man.
Once we go back to the creepy man, he wakes up and I freak the fuck out. Because he starts attacking me. The other man was of no use and couldn’t help me. So the creepy man full out attacks me. He pull out a knife and proceeds to stab me over and over again. And it hurts. I can feel it in reality. This pressure. This deep cutting. And in my dream people are sitting there doing nothing. And my siblings see what’s happening. They see me dying. And this asshole just keeps stabbing me and laughing.
I guess I must have started sobbing and wailing in real life. Like full on fetal position sobbing! I may have even screamed out. I really have no clue at this point. What I remember…and thank God I was staying with Mr. Officer last night, but I remember him grabbing me, “Baby, what’s wrong. Wake up. That is just a dream.” and I just kept sobbing. “Hold my arm. This is real. Open your eyes. Hold me. You are here.” he pleaded.
Eventually I must have stopped crying. He stayed awake with me until I had been soothed and then we both went back to sleep. I am not sure why this nightmare is so vivid.
I’ve written before about what to do “When monsters invade your dreams.”
What I can say is that when you wake up from these horrible nightmares…find yourself again. Look around you and know that you are safe. Know that you are home. Know that perhaps someone you love is right beside you and not the monster who took your innocence away. When you wake up turn on the light, meditate, manage your emotions, look in the mirror and say a mantra that you hold dear. Write in your journal or call someone. Do whatever will immediately make you feel safe and secure.
One of my problems could be the lack of hanging my dreamcatcher in a sacred place in my bedroom. I’ve written before about dreamcatchers.
It is customary that all dreamcatchers are made by hand. To purchase them at a store is to disregard the culture all together. But its another pop culture sentiment. How can we avoid it? The materials used for a dreamcatcher are delicate and are intended to deteriorate after time has passed. They are placed above a child’s bed to catch the nightmares and by the time the child transitions into adulthood…the dreamcatcher should have fallen apart. The native american’s spiritual night light, I suppose.
I believe in them. I purchased one…as sacriligious as it is and it was one of the first things I hung in my new apartment [in 2009]. I also later hung a crystal in the same location since tha area of the Bagua chart is missing from my apartment.
I’ve had to develop many different rituals in regards to bed time. If not, I will wake up with scratches on my arms from fighting myself. Or perhaps from fighting a ghost.
There is lavendar poured over rocks. The bed facing a certian way. The dreamcatcher. The rain and thunder soundtrack. The tea. The glance at the picture. And the list goes on.
It helps. I’m sleeping the best that I have my entire life….only thing to top my routine at home, is my bed time routine with Mr. Officer. Now, that is really the best sleep of my life. Imagine having the honor to fall asleep in the arms of a warrior….a warrior that loves and protects and holds you. I get that.
One of my hugest issues with the lack of sleep could be the fact that I never conducted a space clearing which I believe is essential. Not only do you need to clear the clutter and clean a new space, you also need to do that on a metaphysical level as well. I’m not sure why I have neglected something so important. I’ve written about this before in a post called Bali
Last year I bought a book called “Clearing the Clutter with Feng Shui.” Amazing book. I also purchased, “Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui” by the same author…Karen Kingston. The book is AMAZING!..if its your sort of thing. If your paradigm of thinking delves into the metaphysics of our existence this book will be a breath of fresh air.
What I had no idea about was that this woman has such close ties to the Bali culture.
Also…her huge emphasis on Space Clearing and Creating Sacred Space is just…so what I need right now. I started reading this book right now..thinking of how I want it to apply to my new apartment. MY apartment. Just me and my gods.
I thought it was perfectly fitting when my management company called today to tell me that they would be okay with me moving in two weeks early…at no charge. This call came as a complete surprise. That gives me two extra weeks to physical clean the apartment, metaphysically clear the space, and spritualy create a sacred consecrated holy sanctuary that will be my home.
To learn more about space clearing, visit Karen Kingston’s site.