The Girl Who Cried Wolf

I once had an online conversation with a woman who stated that any unwanted comments are considered harassment. This was in response to a discussion about a new iPhone app that allows a quick way for woman to identify, take pictures and note the locations of street harassers.

When asked my opinion about the app I said that it was a pretty good idea but I could see some people taking it too far. I know one too many women who, even if a man looks at them, they consider it harassment and they feel violated.

The women kindly informed me that perhaps I needed to do more research on sexual harassment because any unwanted comment is harassment. (I guess her comment was harassment too then! )

The conversation led to many different opinions and the dialogue was split down the middle between many voices. I still hold true to my original statement, while harassment is real and there are times when I feel violated verbally or even feel unsafe, EVERY comment and EVERY stare isn’t harassment.

I am tired of women who cry wolf.

Before your panties and thongs get a bundle, just hear me out. I am NOT saying street harassment doesn’t exist. I have been harassed. There’s a fine line too.

If you give eye contact or speak to certain individuals on the street, they take that as an invitation to keep talking. BUT on the flip side, if you don’t speak they get mad and say things like, “You can’t speak bitch. Uppity Bitch. No one wants your ugly ass anyway.” That’s the pretty version of crap I’ve heard because I wouldn’t acknowledge certain men. BUT once again, if I just smile and keep walking, some men take it as an invite to keep talking or to start walking with me. I asked Mr. Officer what was I supposed to do in those cases. He says to keep silent and if their comments escalate or they get angry and follow you, go to a public place, preferably a police station!

So it does exist.

I’ve walked down the street and I’ve seen men undress me with their eyes. Did I cry? Did I climb on a soapbox about the rights of women and sexuality and how porn ruined it all? No, I just didn’t even acknowledge him. Men and Women undress each other with their eyes, fantasize and think dirty thoughts. You can’t control that. Just don’t feed into it and don’t call it harassment. Yes, its objectification but they aren’t harassing you.

I mean, if they are undressing you with their eyes while they are stalking you outside your bedroom window..ok, that’s different. But if you walk down the street and a man is attracted to you and he hasn’t said a word, just looked at you…calm down. He hasn’t called you a bitch or tried to rape you.

Which I might add…men are objectified too. It’s not just women. And men are harassed too!

I remember walking in Paris or Berlin with two other American friends of mine and the locals said something like, “Hello beautiful ladies!” There tone was slightly suggestive but that was about it. Both ladies climbed upon their high horses about how they felt so violated. I rolled my eyes and held my tongue.

Do you know what harassment is? Or are you just over-sensitive and uncomfortable with issues of sexuality anyway? Sometimes people just need to get over themselves.

If every unwanted comment was harassment then the first words uttered by my boyfriend of four years would be considered so. I wasn’t trying to hear anything from anyone and he started with very civil small talk. I am so glad that I’m not on a witch hunt towards men who want to highlight the beauty of the world. I may not have ever met him!

As mentioned before…harrassment definitely exist. I see it. I’ve experienced it. But every utterance by a man towards a woman in a social setting does not qualify as such. Deal with whatever your issues are, please. Stop crying wolf when its just a man giving a compliment.

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