Farewell to Your Heroes, Pt 1

There comes a point in your personal journey, when certain relationships have traveled their intended course in your life and its now time to move on. More specifically relationships with mentors, counselors, coaches, therapist, heroes, role models and even certain kind of leaders.

The need for this closure can manifest due to many reasons.

Some are listed below.

1. The intended goals have been met.
2. You are headed in completely different directions.
3. An issue has arisen of a negative nature and its best to sever the tie.

What would you add?

REASON NUMBER 1: The intended goals set out have reached their completion.

Back in 2006, I begin meeting regularly with a therapist for various personal reasons. This was the first time in my life where I expressed a desire for professional help. During our first few weeks, we laid out the reasons why I needed help.

1. I needed to deal with the loss of James F. Pyles. My grief was killing me.
2. I needed to let go of my complacent behavior towards men. I had stifled my voice and had troubles settings boundaries.
3. I needed to deal with two personality traits of mine. The Siren and the Destroyer. I didn’t need to do away with them but I needed to learn how to find a place of center with them.
4. I needed to deal with my issues of my past as it related to family and religion.
5. I needed to find, restore and reclaim myself.
6. I needed to learn how to sleep through the night. Paranoia, fear and anxiety had me clocking in about 1 hour of sleep a night and it was effecting every area of my life.

These were some of our goals. After a very rough start in which I refused to open up for months, we eventually began to make progress. After about two years I realized, I had accomplished my personal goals. Our sessions were no longer full of deep reflection, problem solving, crying, remembering, exercises and whatever else we did. Our sessions became a catch up time. We’d talk about life in general. I smiled, I laughed. It was great. I had evolved more in my healing.

Initially we had started out meeting two times a week. Sometimes even three times a week. Eventually that became once a week. Then it became once every two weeks. Then once a month. Then only when I needed to talk to her about a specific thing.

We kept the lines of communication open noting the progress while altering my sessions accordingly. During one of our final sessions we talked about how far I had come, what I needed now in life and where I saw myself going. I had started a new job. I had a new set of friends. I was in a different environment and the focus of my perspective on life had shifted.

We both realized, I no longer needed to go to therapy anymore. In the most positive, uplifting manner we said goodbye and she left the door open should I ever have a reason to return. I haven’t. Although I recommend her when friends ask for a great therapist in Chicago.

We were able to make such a clean break to a natural closure in our relationship for many reasons.

1. We had accomplished the goals we had set out in the beginning
2. My life’s purpose wasn’t tied up in her wisdom. Therefore, in the end, it wasn’t painful to move on.
3. We kept honest communication about what I needed and didn’t need.

When it comes to relationships like those you have with therapist, counselors or mentors consider setting specific goals. Not every relationship is meant to last a life time and when you’ve reached a place of closure, the process of moving on can be a positive one, if you keep your focus. Ask yourself, would you keep going to a physical therapist after you’ve learned how to walk again? With her, I had learned how not only to walk but how to fly. I didn’t need to land and crawl into the building anymore as I had once done during our first encounters.

In the next two days I’ll speak on the other two reasons that a need for closure may manifest itself with mentors, counselors, coaches, therapist, heroes, role models and even certain kind of leaders.

2. You are headed in completely different directions.

3. An issue has arisen of a negative nature and its best to sever the tie.

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