Happy Birthday Sheena

When I look back on my past and the journey I’ve travelled thus far, I find that I do not have any regrets. Did I always make the best decisions for myself and those around me? Perhaps not. However every choice, every moment, every utterance has led me to right now. So if it took the ending of one friendship to teach me its true meaning and to cherish those that I hold dear, I look back with grace. If it took a ton of bad dates including one with a stalker “midget” and a youth pastor who almost “changed” me to suit his needs to lead me to Mr. Officer and the best love that I have ever known, then it was worth it. If it took the growing pains of disagreements with my mother to lead to the communication and relationship that we now share, it was worth. Therefore, I find that I have no regrets.

When I look towards the future and all that I want to attain, I look at it with flexibility. I don’t know what the future holds. I have my ideas of what I desire. I have my dreams. However, I don’t know what the next moment will bring and I will not worry or rush.

What is important is now. Who is Sheena in this moment right now? How is Sheena in this moment? Is she fulfilled? Is she content? Is she at center?

Living in the now is what I want to focus on. Living intentionally. Creatively. Authentically. Truthfully. Passionately. Gracefully… That is what I care about.

My points of reference for attaining this continued evolution of self are as follows….(the list continues to grow)

1. Learn personal, spiritual, cultural and community rituals & traditions. I’m loving my reading of The Healing Wisdom of Africa and want more books just like that. One of the first rituals I will be working on is a “Naming Ritual” in order to reclaim my last name.
2. Continue my self centered studies of sacred text. “The Artist Way,”"Shambala”, “The Emerald Tabley of Hermes” “The Kybalion” “The Creative Process of the Individual” “The Secrets of Self” “The Sacred Contract” and the list continues. I have tons of books to work my way through.
3. Declutter, Purge, Re-Organize. Possessions. People. Toxic Toughts, Actions and Words.
4. Restudy the results of my enneagram test. Surprisingly it was overwhelmingly accurate and I want to work on diminishing the shadow sides and finding a place of center rather than the polar extremes of myself.
5. Live my sacred journal commitments. An example of my commitment would be “My Heart Calling.” To learn more watch this video in which I explain my process of working through “The Sacred Journal”
6. Treat my body, mind and spirit like the HOLY and SACRED temple it is. God dwells in me. There can be no more trash in my temple. How is your temple doing?
7. The Grace Project. I will be exploring a year of grace. I want to embody it. Emanate it. I want it to be a part of everything that I do.
8. I must live my personal manifesto EVERY DAY in EVERY MOMENT.
9. I want to view others with magical eyes This is a more personal challenge to myself towards those that are more challenging. It’s easy to view my five year old sister through magical eyes but what about an acquaintance who’s homophobic and offensive towards my other friends? Do I cut their toxicity out of my life. Or do I try a little grace and magical eyes? I will try different approaches depending on the circumstances.
10. Considering all the deaths, i.e. James, Veola, Maura, Tinu and the list continues, work on LIVING in the moment. I want to stop punishing myself for being alive or being consumed with grief, sadness and heartache. None of the people listed above would want that for me.
11. Do an in depth study of the chakras. My mother has a number of books on this and the Sacred Journey book delves into it as well, which happens to be a book that I own.

A few things I will continue doing and perhaps at a more increased pace

1. Handwriting in my journal

2. Creative writing

3. Working on raw, vegan and vegetarian recipes that are local, organic and in season.

4. Learning photography. (I have a nikon d5000 with a 70/300 telepho lens, the entire adobe creative suite, over 10 photographer friends and a macbook pro. I have every opportunity to excel at this new hobby.)

5. Morning pages, meditation and yoga. (So far the yoga has been the most challenging part)

I’m not starting over. I’m just working on becoming more of myself each day. If these are the focus of my thoughts in every moment during my speech, actions, relationships and so forth, it leaves no room for the shadow sides. It means I’m living intentionally and that if I died at any moment, I would be ok with that last moment. I want to leave no room for the mundane and the profane. I am sacred and there is only room for holiness…with some fun and sassiness thrown in there.

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