I Go Back to Nature ~ Tinuola Olateju

by SLY on August 30th, 2010

I find that in times like these, I need to go back to nature. I have to find a way to ground myself. My spirit. My emotions. My flesh. My mind. My heart. Because its all racing and twirling and beating. If I get caught up, I will forget to breathe. And sweetheart, that does not honor you.

It honors you to remember you. To celebrate you. It’s okay even for me to cry or have a moments of sadness. But then I have to go back to center. I have to go back to breathing.

Therefore, I’ve thought about what I can do today. It’s been three months since I got the call from Lola and I still hear her voice clearly. And if I think about that call for more than ten seconds, my day is shot. So I ask myself, what is going to keep me going? What is going to keep me centered? How do I not break down? Nothing soothes the pain of a fifteen year old taking her own life. There is no cure for that heart break. I can’t even think in a straight line.

I go back to nature. It’s where god reveals himself to me. I go back to sun light and the smell off grass and the highest peak of a mountain. God is there. That is also where I can find you. In the beauty of a flower. In the wing of a butterfly. In the subtle color changes of the leaves. You are all around me. And if I ground myself, if I quiet my hurting heart and tap into my spirit…I can feel these glimmers of you.

That is what I need to do. When my heart aches the most, I need to find a field at the break of dawn and breathe deeply.

Tinuola Olateju

February 15, 1995 – May 29, 2010