When the Army Revolts

I have held my tongue so to speak, for quite awhile and yet this whole situation seems to nag at me. I feel the need to speak up because I’ve promoted this organization and spoke wonderfully of many of the people involved. I believe because of that, the nagging feeling won’t go away of how this all went down.

I don’t want to use this as an excuse to put people on blast or deceitfully tip toe around the subject at hand. I also remind myself to approach this with grace and to try to consider some of these other perspectives.

Due to the fact that I am a proponent of speaking up and speaking out about injustices, unfair treatment and such and I want the truth and I don’t like wasting my money and I will not let anyone take me for a fool, I can’t keep silent. No more quotes. These are my words.

I am trying to figure out how to address this post. Who is my intended target? All of my readers? The people involved with this situation? Myself. Who am I writing this for? I suppose I want to give clarity to anyone trying to figure out where I stand since lines are being drawn. I want to also give advice to others who may become involved in communities, organizations and institutions. Perhaps those are two separate post.

Prior to the announcement that the conference was cancelled by the very women who put it together, I knew there was trouble brewing. I had known for weeks. Call it insider knowledge, call it being privy to things happening that others weren’t aware of it, call it what you want. Some people didn’t know anything was wrong until that particular day. For those of you in that boat, I wish I were one of those people. Maybe then I’d be tweeting about “joy” every day rather then seeking a greater truth.

I knew there were some financial issues going on. What those “issues” were I won’t say since they were told in private. But if I’m ever accused of lying, slander, gossip or whatever else you can conjure up, I can provide proof of what I was told. Now whether the words I was sent by this person were true or not, do not speak towards me. They speak towards who sent that information to me. Either this person was lying about the entire situation. Or they were telling the truth. Whether they told the truth or lied poses a HUGE issue for me. Especially when I sought clarity in our exchange and none of that was given. Just messages of hope and joy and happiness. It’s not a matter of joy. It’s a matter of reconciling a financial issue.

It wasn’t until the cancellation of the conference that I found out more information regarding the suspension status of the foundation. After calling the various numbers and asking questions, I found out only a little more than I knew before. Still it was of concern to me. I had to ask myself if I felt like the board of this foundation willingly proceeded with improper fundraisers knowing their status or if they were unaware. If they proceeded knowing full well of their suspended status, then that would cause me to be alarm. But on the flip side, if they had been functioning for years with a suspended status and didn’t even know it, that was yet another reason to be alarmed. Do you see where either could be a problem? If not, stop reading. Don’t waste your time. If you get how either side of that can be an issue, then I’m interested in having a conversation with you.

No matter what was going on with the conference or the foundation, I didn’t take it as a personal slight from the person who spearheaded many of the aspects of this organization. Many but not all. That should be noted. Did I think this person a cruel and evil leader? No. I think this person is talented, amazing, silly and such a great artist. Do I think there are some major issues going down with the foundation? YES! (Some of you have no idea what has happened and what is about to happen!) But those are two separate things. For those who mix them in together, I can’t respond to your ignorance. That’s like the BP CEO saying people are committing slander against him personally when the real issue at hand is what is going on with his company. Same thing here. It’s not about a personal issue with an individual. It’s about what’s going on with a foundation.

I felt personally vested in this since I have donated A LOT of my money. I’ve purchased products with the proceeds going towards the foundation and from that I’ve donated money to other aspects of this person’s various causes. Some that will never reach completion and others that are pending. I don’t regret this but I want answers in regards to where my money has gone.  I have every right to wonder where my money is going when donating to a non for profit organization. Any one who says differently or would rather I tweet about joy than seek truth can seriously go jump in the lake. I say that with grace. That is as graceful as I can be right now.

After the issue with the conference being cancelled, it was later reported that it was not. What “really” happened was that the previous board were let go and a new “secretive” board was added and nine months of work from the previous board was miraculous made “so much better” in a matter of a day by whomever this new board was. Since this conference was over $300 and because there were issues brewing, I wanted to know who was on the board of the new one. Especially since I hadn’t even purchased my plane ticket yet. Yet another expense.

After asking the two people I should have been able to get clarity from I was not given any clarity. I was told the “real” conference committee was working on it now. As if the people on the committee before were fake? Since I could not get clarity of what this new conference was, I asked for a refund. Maybe down the line if more clarity and transparency is given, perhaps then I’d feel comfortable being a part. Oh wait, never mind. The conference is now invite only. Not sure if I would get invited anyway. Yet another issue. Invite only conferences. Secret committees. Financial issues. Suspended Statuses. There’s something going on. I could continue to add to this list but I won’t. The people close to me know the other issues that have happened which raises a red flag too. I won’t air all the dirty laundry.

Since these events have taken place, people who have raised money for the foundation have been alarmed with some of them writing about it to provide further clarity. At the same time the foundation remained mum until their lawyer could be consulted. That makes perfect sense to me. (I’m not being sarcastic here. I completely understand.) But once word was given from the organization, it was glossed over. It was not the complete truth. It was dismissive. And those who were ignorant to everything ate it up like it was gospel.

For those who spoke out whether it was just relaying FACTS about the situation or their opinions because we all are entitled to them, some of these people came under attack. Either directly or in the name of “joy.” Lines started being drawn and I honestly don’t understand how there can be sides. Whatever the issue, it had nothing to do with personal attacks. Whether I agreed with the people who spoke out, doesn’t matter. What I appreciated was that they spoke their truth, they spoke out and were not afraid to speak their mind. Whether I agreed with them or not, I admired them for taking a stand, researching, and seeking truth rather than blindly following and speaking on things they had no clue about.

Again, I must say..I didn’t necessarily agree with what everyone was saying from all sides of this. And yet there were some things that I did agree with on all sides as well. It wasn’t just a black and white issue. And while I don’t agree with some of what’s going on with the organization, I still maintained respect for many of the people involved.

At one point however, certain people’s comments became annoying. Mainly because they were speaking out of the side of their mouths. People who, the week prior couldn’t think of a goal to save their life were now riding high horses and jumping on soapboxes in the name of god knows what. People who were barely involved to begin with, only caught up in promoting their own agendas, all of a sudden made a reappearance speaking nonsense masked as god knows what. And people who appeared one way started growing balls that were never theirs to begin with. If you are going to all of a sudden grow some large balls, I really think you need a backbone and a brain to match it.

I steered clear of speaking with these people until finally I reached out to one to shed some clarity. When I mentioned that there were other issues involved and not just the conference, this person in a joyfully attacking way told me to check my facts, that they knew the truth and so on and so forth. In the same breath they asked for copies of private emails so they could read them too. In the same breath they were sharing our conversations with others. I didn’t mind. Ask my opinion and I’ll tell you. You don’t need to gather it from a middle man.

This was the only time I reached out to someone. There was never any disrespect or love lost but due to their dismissive tone with me, I decided it best to end communication with them. I cut all social ties but it didn’t matter that much since I didn’t know this person in real life anyway. They were just a random voice who only months ago invited themselves to my house without actually being invited by me. That encounter in and of itself was already weird thus my hesitancy about this person anyway. I don’t let strange people into my home. That encounter is a conversation for another day. As I’ve said before, the people who know me…know about all of this stuff…they’ve known about this stuff prior to the whole conference debacle.

I used this whole issue to purge some people away via social networks. They were people who did not bring light into my life. People who were of no consequence to me. People who rather than seeking the truth and finding clarity would rather do something else. I’m not interested in people like that. I’m not interested in people who spend their time gossiping and complaining about someone else, accusing them of being a liar and fraud, only to friend them later and pretend they never said horrible things about them to everyone else. That can only mean they probably do that to countless other people, that they are two faced and they they are playing both sides of this person and maybe others. (Again, I’m only speaking facts and I always back up my conversations. This isn’t slander) I’m not interested in people who complain about their parents, their pets and their inability to find an apartment. I’m interested in people who are doing something with their life. I’m not interested in people who want to garner attention with a camera when they can’t speak the truth without one. Therefore, I purged. And if it hurt you feelings, get over it. Get a life. Become a better person.

One person who is a shit starter and flinger had the balls to address me and ask why I cut my ties with them. I pretty much said we had no ties to begin with. The only time I had a conversation with them was when they needed my help to find a job and an apartment in NYC. I’m not interested in one sided relationships where you use me for resources and information. I don’t mind sharing my knowledge but if that’s the extent of our relationship..it’s not a relationship. I share my knowledge with plenty of people…doesn’t mean I’m connected with them on social networks. While copying our conversation to others, this person continued to try to egg me on. They accused me of playing both sides. They asked why was I still networking with the organization, if I wasn’t friends with them.  I tried reasoning with this person. I told  them how I felt about the organization and what went down versus its leadership versus them personally were all separate issues. I told them that my severed connection with them was different than why I severed it with others. Their only response was ones of stupidity such as “ROTFL” and calling me paranoid.

Do you see why I would severe ties with people like this? It’s not that hard to figure out why.

Some of you were deleted long before this conference situation happened anyway. In any organization, corporation, institution…even those standing for a good cause, you are going to have some bad apples, some looney apples, some abusive apples and all other sorts. It’s Murphy’s law. It’s just a given. And spotting those rotten apples and keeping them out of my life is more important than faking it and talking about you behind your back like some of you are apt to do.

If you are questioning my “friendship” with you, we were probably never friends to begin with. Even though I’ve been welcomed into this community…separate from the organization, I was never friends with all of you. That is ok. I was never friends with everyone from my school, from my job, from the teams I was on. A friendship goes deeper than sharing the same ideas about how the world functions. A friendship is deeper than tweeting the same words over and over. A friendship has nothing to do with finding out the truth of what has happened with this organization and getting to the bottom of some of the financial issues. For those who can not separate the two…we were never friends.

I’m trying to understand why some of you have responded the way you did. Mainly the ones accusing me of playing sides. Perhaps its that you don’t have anything better to do with your day. Perhaps this is the most exciting thing that has happened in your month so far. Perhaps you feed on negativity masked as joy. Perhaps you like drama. I can’t place it. Perhaps you like playing the role of victim and the only way to do that is to accuse me of something that isn’t even true. Perhaps this organization is the only good thing in your life and is your life force and thus anyone saying anything to critique it is like stabbing you. I really can’t place it.

It reminds me of a lady I once knew who bragged and said, “I’m a shit starter. I just like stirring up shit.” I had spent a year trying to figure out why she went out of her way to cause trouble. I would say hello to her and she’d tell someone I said, “Fuck you.” And when trying to approach it with grace, I saw there was none to give since she herself said it, “I just like stirring up shit.” Eventually I just kept a HUGE distance from this lady even though we were involved in the same activities. I spoke very little to her. And sure, one day maybe she will get better and maybe all she needs is a true friend but I can’t be that for her.

Same here, I can’t rally and jump on one bandwagon or another. I can only seek the truth for me. One person said they wanted to be a fly on the wall for when the [shit] hit the fan or the fan fell…whatever it is they said. I realized, FLIES EAT SHIT.

I want nothing to do with shit starters, shit flingers, shit eaters or shit servers.

Besides, why be a fly? Why creep and hide to eavesdrop on shit going down?

Why not stand tall and bold, face to face, eye to eye and demand the truth. Do you see why I severed ties? I don’t hang out with flies, I spend my time with real women and men who are about something.

Where do I stand? I just want the truth. While I believe in the cause of this organization, I won’t donate to it until REAL clarity is given and its legal status of suspension is lifted. Despite how I feel about how the organization and foundation has been handled, I still feel the person who spearheaded this has an interesting point of view and while I never agreed with everything they ever said, I like hearing their perspective and will continue to do so. To the people who were involved and no longer associate with the organization, it doesn’t matter. The basis of our friendship was not the organization, it was the bond that we shared. To the people who I severed my ties with, I severed my ties. Get over it. There are six billion other people in the world. As Bethanny said on the Real Housewives of New York, “Find a hobby.”

If you are just completely heart broken, here are some books to help.

Jenny Offill and Elissa Schappel: The Friend Who Got Away, Twenty Women’s True Life Tales of Friendships that Blew Up, Burned Out or Faded Away

Jan Yager: When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You.

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