Tuesday, November 16th, 2010
Blogs | Sociology of Sheena
#30Thanks, Day 16. Thank a Caregiver
I’m not sure why my heart gets so tender when I think about people who have cared for me. The smallest but kindest gesture makes such a difference. Sometimes just having someone stop to look you in the eye and see you….sometimes even that can bring me to tears. Sigh.
Perhaps its because people can feel so alone at time. Honestly speaking, I rarely feel alone. I know there are people who love and care for me and who upon notice would be there for me in an instant. However, the times when I feel the most isolated and vulnerable and so alone is when I am sick. I don’t know why but that’s when my mind can reach its darkest point. I start to think, what if I get so sick and I die. No one would even know. I live alone. They wouldn’t find out for days. My body will be rotten and they won’t even know.
I’m not sure why my mind goes there but it does. Even if I just have a cold and a bad headache and end up staying home from work, I find that I feel incredibly alone. Perhaps its because I feel physically weak and it just makes for a misreble situation. Although, I must say that last time I was sick, I forced myself to have a positive attitude. I refused to complain about the pain, I refused to bitch and moan via twitter or facebook and I just dealt with it. Its amazing how things get better if you focus on being centered and transmuting those highly infectious emotional shifts into productive energy.
So….in thinking about a caregiver, Sam and Lola come to mind. I mentioned Lola in my first gratitude post because Lola has been instumental in my sanity. In that post I mentioned how she took care of me after a bad cheerleading accident that lead to me being in a wheelchair. I will never forget how she did so much for during that time. Sweetheart….dear lovely LOLA…thank you for that. And THANK YOU for taking care of me last week too. I can’t even begin to list how you are essential to my life!
As stated above there is also Sam. I mentioned my friendship with Sam when I did the gratitude post thanking Mariah for being such a wonderful part of her life. Sam is also mentioned in many other post too but that’s beside the point. Today I want to focus on Sam again.
Back in July 2009, I had emergency surgery due to a ruptured cysy on my ovaries. Yucky and gross and to this day I wish they had just taken out my ovaries while they were in there messing around. (I don’t want children but that’s a story for another day) But whatever! This surgery was so unexpected and last minute and I was so outside of my mind that I thought I’d still go to work the next day; therefore I was so unprepared for it. By the time surgery began, my phones had died, most people didn’t know what was going on with me and again I felt incredibly alone and isolated. My family lives in another state and therefore I didn’t have my mom right beside me.
Luckily, months before I had given Sam a spare set of keys to my apartment and when I woke up from surgery the next day, Sam was there. (I am such a freaking wuss because as I think about this, I’m tearing up again! Ok, keep it together Sheena!) So, I wake up and Sam is there! She had gone to my apartment and she’d gotten my chargers, she’d gotten me a new set of clothes…including pretty underwear. Â She had even picked some books from my bookcase and even a journal for me to write in. There was more in that bag too. I don’t even remember. She got everything she thought I might need because we didn’t know how long I’d be there. She brought flowers and she stayed with me. She just stayed there. As other people came and went, Sam stayed there with me. (Stop crying Sheena!)
Later that day when they released me, Sam even had her new boyfriend at the time come pick us up and take me home. They both helped me up the stairs and helped me settle into bed and continued to check on me throughout my recovery. (Thanks Mariah for doing that!)
Sam. Lola. My heart is full of love and gratitude. I feel like I’ve got it going on and my life is great and all that blah blah but the moment I’m sick or physically hurt and in great pain, I feel so incredibly alone. I feel like I might die and no one will know and no one will help. What if I die alone? And you two…you both were there. And you thought of the little details like journals and pretty panties and sweeties, that makes all the difference! Thank you so much for being my friend and for staying and for being there! It means the world to me!
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