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Tuesday, December 28th, 2010
Blogs | The North Pole
I Want to Watch You Touch Yourself
An interesting article popped over at my second home on Owning Pink today. How to Accept the Gift of Self Pleasure. I began to tweet about it but there wasn’t enough space. I began to leave a comment on the post but I have a lot of thoughts. I’ll share them here.
(Please note this post isn’t for children and prudes. Please take this time to leave Sociology of Sheena.)
Inherently, I don’t see anything wrong with masturbation. Consider my filters and consider yours while reading this. My perspective may be different. No matter the filter, I just don’t see how morality, i.e, right and wrong, has anything to do with the act of using your finger or an object to explore any part of your body for pleasure or stimulation.
If touching yourself or using things get you off and set you free, GO FOR IT! I have just found that it doesn’t do much for me. I once owned a vibrator. An experimental guy I was dating at the time purchased it for me. The stimulation I experienced was nice and very tingy, but I found that after it was over…well, it was over. Unlike having amazing sex with an actual man, that lingering feeling of him still being inside me was missing with a vibrator.
The same went with using my hands. It just never did the trick. Therefore my experiences with self pleasure are very limited and rare. For me, there isn’t a substitute for feeling a man’s kiss. That intensity and chemistry as we are breathing the same air and then our lips part and we taste each other. My GOD! Sorry, that rabbit thing can not mimick that and I haven’t found the trick to kissing myself.
Same goes for foreplay and intercourse. For me, there is something about the other person in which I get the pleasure. Feeling his body weight. Feeling his hands explore my body. Whether guided by me or by his own accord. Feeling his skin. Feeling his kisses. Feeling him pulsate inside of me. Pleasuring myself….I don’t get those same sensations.
It also reminds me of a quote I once made in jest but also in truth. Its how I feel about the type of sex I enjoy. “If she’s not walking straight, you know you did your job right.” ~ SLY. I enjoy sex that has me bending and twisting and sweating and screaming. I WANT to feel sore in the morning. I want to have a crook in my neck. I want to still feel him inside me long after he has fallen asleep.
That is what I enjoy.
Perhaps there’s another perspective to have since issues of sexuality are all encompassing. Intercourse with a person is only one part of sexuality. Licking honey off her upper thigh is another. And perhaps pleasuring yourself is still another. I view it as this. Just as you may not enjoy anal sex, food in foreplay, or dominatrix game play, I don’t enjoy too much regarding masturbation.Â It’s too temporary and fleeting. Its not deep enough. A vibrator can’t make me scream his name.
But let’s go back to the fact that I don’t think its wrong and if it works for you, I think you should take pleasure in it. I also don’t believe parents should raise their kids in shame. However, as I told my mother, despite our many advances in society, issues of sexuality seem to be the one we refuse to move forward on. We just can’t wrap our minds around it possibly being more than what we think sometimes.
REAL LIFE ANECDOTE
I once heard a story about a family that I know. Their four year old daughter had just discovered masturbation and she LOVED it. She did it all the time. In the car. At the dinner table. In her room. Girlfriend was going to town. Instead of her parents shaming her, whenever she did it in a public place they sweetly spoke to her about levels of appropriateness. They told her it was ok for her to pleasure herself but that was a private thing and should be done in her bedroom when she was alone. I love that. If I ever have children….(NEVER)….I would teach the same sentiment!
“the ONLY one to pleasure me….”
I once dated a man who after discussing issues of sexuality, explained to me that he did not want me to ever masturbate. He claimed he never masturbated himself since he didn’t get any pleasure out of it. In this same vein, he felt I shouldn’t masturbate either. He wanted to be the ONLY ONE to pleasure me. That was his job. His desire. Not another man. Not another device. He was ok with using toys during sex but he did not want me to have an orgasm unless he “gave” it to me. I find many things interesting about this and won’t go into much detail. Again, it didn’t matter much to me since I wasn’t into masturbation. But the whole, him being the ONLY thing to pleasure me…that just didn’t work.
On a side note, you know what pleasures me more than masturbation…COLOGNE. Cologne does to me what a vibrator could NEVER do. Don’t even get me started.
This led to another discussion between me and the man mentioned aboved. I didn’t put up much a fight or discussion when he explained his preferences regarding masturbation but I wasn’t ok with him being the only thing that could pleasure me. This is because I knew the effects of cologne on my body and psyche. I explained this to him. How when a man wore a certain scent…that did get me off! Armani brands….go straight to my panties. I get intoxicated. I get unreasonable. I lick every molecule off! Sigh. Calm down Sheena.
Now…when I’m dating someone and I happen to smell another man, I don’t go crazy. But I do sigh and moan to myself. Not at the man. It could be a donkey wearing amani. But its that scent. SCENT is to me what SELF-PLEASURE is to others. In that way I pleasure myself at home. My friends upon entering my home always say, “It smells like Sheena!” There are always oils and incense burning. And depending on which book you grab from my bookcase, it probably has been misted with men’s cologne. I love the lingering scent of a man on my pillow.Â (I love the lingering scent of a man on me.) And the movie and book “Perfume”….to die for!!!! You should check it out.
“I want to watch you touch yourself….”
The other experience I have with an ex involved masturbating while he watched. In my mind, it just sounds crazy and it doesn’t sound sexy at all. However, our relationship involved us doing some crazy shit. With him, I had no inhibitions. (Oh the stories I could tell but I won’t!) Therefore, one night when we were having a wonderful time, he explained, “I want to watch you touch yourself!” I didn’t even think about it. I just did it. And it was HOT. The hotness came from watching him, watch me. Watching him grow more and more excited. Watching his eyes and his lips and his hands as he peered at everything I did. Now, if that’s masturbation…I can do that!
I definitely believe in self pleasure. It’s only after writing this that I realize my equivalent is my indulgence in scents. I also find my form of self pleasure is via my S Factor classes. Those classes make me all hot and bothered but I have no desire to have someone join me or watch me. Its just all about me and finding every sense of pleasing myself through my body’s movement. So I get it. Find what pleases you and take delight in it!
One thing that I REALLY REALLY loved about the article was a point she made at the end. “Take Your Pleasure with You.”
Some people after experiencing the high of an orgasm, whether through sex with a partner or masturbation, feel guilt afterwards. I use to feel guilt after. This can be tied to many many reasons. I had my own which I won’t get into today. Don’t feed the guilt. Delight in yourself and take your pleasure with you. You Must!!! It is very liberating and delicious!