Maintaining Emotional Balance

by SLY on December 2nd, 2010

“Aren’t you afraid?” Lyra asked.

“I manage my fear,” Iorek replied.

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I have a love affair with the triology, His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman. I re-read the books once a year and I highly recommend them to any one, no matter the age.

When I read that quote, which I may have butchered a bit, I immediately fell in love with the concept. This was years ago. This was back when missing a train on my way to work could set me off for the rest of the day. Or seeing an attractive man smile at me could set the tone of seduction for my entire day. This quote spoke to me at a time in my life when I let my emotions/feelings get the best of me. They carried me away to places I wasn’t even expecting to go. Or so I thought.

It is my belief that far too many people enjoy throwing emotional tantrums. These tantrums can manifest on any end of the spectrum of polar extremes. Whether they be positive or negative emotions….people like to get carried away.

[photo credit]

What I have enjoyed in my personal growth over the years and what has kept me from falling off the deep end is finding emotional balance. Finding center. I may not always stay there. Life is, after all, in constant motion. But over time, I’ve found that the pendumlum on my emotion state only shifts slightly to the right and slightly to the left.

I drew a haphazard little chart to explain myself visually. The line in the middle represents a place of center. The first box shows how I used to function. On any given day that was the range of emotional encounters I experienced. They were sharp increases or decreases that happened at a fast and constant pace.

The second box highlights how I function now. I experience every emotion. I am human after all. However, I find these experiences are smoother. They occur less often and are not as sharp or volatile.

(On a side note; one should not equate emotional stability with a lack of personality. I am quite a character but I’m a well balanced one )

I looked up the definition of emotions and it was interesting to see some of the words chosen to define this concept.

1.an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.

2. Any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing love, hate, fear, etc., and usually accompanied by certain physiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.

3. an instance of this

4 : a conscious mental reaction

From this, I gather that emotions are experiences. They are not “what is.” They occur consciously meaning we can manage and master them. They are only an instance, an inkling of a reaction and if given strength they can affect other parts of our being.

[photo credit]

This means you are in control. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOURSELF. Yes, experiencing the full range of emotions is only human. We all do that. However and here’s the kicker, there is a difference between experiencing emotions and just being an emotional whack job! (I mix grace with sass, fyi!)

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Some people propose that the goal in life is the maintain levels of positive emotions.

For example —> “I am so happy.” “I am full of joy” “I love everything.” “I’m so excited.”

That is one approach to life and if that works for you then by all means proceed with the rest of your existence. I have found, however, that “positive” emotions can be just as volatile as “negative” emotions and that staying in any one for an extended period of time can have detrimental affects on other areas of your being and life.

I also feel that when the pendulum does swing the other way because life changes and something unexpected may occur, the shift for “JOY JOY JOY” to “sadness” is so extreme that it can have erratic effects on the rest of your well being. (Does that make sense?)

Imagine being at center and then hearing bad news.

Now imagine being at a heightened sense of positive emotion and then hearing bad news. Thats a long way down folks.

Again this is my approach to life. I am not trying to indoctrinate you to my type of functioning or anything of the likes. There’s more than one prespective to have on life.

Taking all this into consideration, I realized a few things. As best I could through diligent work and intentional effort, I wanted to stay at a center place of balance in the course of my life.

All is Well. I am Well. My Well Being is Centered.

That is where I like to stay.

Along with maintaining centeredness, I knew I wanted to master my emotions. We are human after all. Amazing and Horrible things happen. You get a new job. Your dog dies. Your boyfriend just proposed. Your cousin has cancer. You just came into a lot of money. You lost your blackberry. You aced a challenging test. Your kid is annoying. And the list could continue in either direction.

As these things happen, they affect us. They change the course of our day. I get it. But what we do with these emotions and how we let them affect us is key.

For example: Let’s say my laptop broke for some reason and my only option is to purchase a new one.

Well that’s inconvienent. Although its not the worse thing in the world. This will affect me financially as well. (Although even financially, if we keep our house in order and learn how to manage our money, save our money, invest our money … unforseen financial occurences won’t have a huge negative impact on our lives. If we maintain centerness in all areas of our lives…its easier to navigate through life. But I digress. Financial responsibilty and stewardship is a post for another day.) So…my computer breaks. Well, yeah, it kind of sucks and may be inconvienient at the moment but I find my spirit and soul remain unchanged. I’m still the same Sheena. Maybe I have a presentation due but really…there are libraries with free computers or a friend. We don’t have to get carried away in the negativity.

[photo credit: ME]

Another thing that will help you in the long run is choosing not to react out of these emotions…whether they be high or low. I have seen people make some detrimental choices when experiencing a heightened emotion only to regret it all the next day.

For example: You win the lottery. You are so freaking happy. You now have a million dollars. You are joyful and excited and can hardly think straight. So first, you buy a car. You know, because you need one anyway. And you give your mom some money and your best friend. And you pay off your debt. My god, this is so amazing. You have all the money in the world. And you travel a bit and you buy some new clothes and a diamond ring and a new house!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!

Six months later…because you were an emotional spender…you find you are now in debt!

This means that for my life…as best I can…I try not to act when in heightened emotions. You aren’t thinking straight or functioning at your highest.

Now, I acknowledge there are some events in life that affect us on a bigger scale. Earlier this year one of my best friends lost her teenage sister to suicide. There are bits of my heart still tender from this. There are moments where I am sad and I miss her.

BUT in order to manage my emotions so that I don’t become depressed, I acknowledge them but I don’t dwell on them.

I always go back to breathing and sometimes take it a step further into meditation. This takes my mind back to center. It’s a very natural state of being.

If need be, I go back to resources that assist me if I find I am so consumed. I re-read the Kybalion or the Shambhala, to name a few.

No matter what occurs in life; the good, the bad & the ugly, I know without a doubt….

All is Well. I am Well. My Well Being is Centered.

Manage and then Master your Emotions.