S Factor, Level Two: Welcome Back SLY

I would say I’m pretty well at ease with my sexuality, but I’m an individual before I am a female. ~ Shirley Manson

Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided. ~ Mae West

I speak two languages, Body and English.  ~ Mae West

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. ~ Mae West

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I have now completed my final class in the Level One of Sheila Kelly’s S Factor Movement class. What begin as a hesitant curiosity via a groupon deal, immediately became an obsession with my body, my movement, my sense of self, my sexuality, my inner beauty and the ways that I express that in my dance. I didn’t know this was going to happen.

I was banking on learning a pole trick that I could show off at a club. I thought I might learn some fun dance to try on a lover during foreplay. I didn’t think about what was going to happen to me. I had no clue that they would awaken a part of me I buried long ago.

As we move into the next level starting next week, I’m really starting to tap into this inner beast that’s within me. She is a beast. A fiery, insatiable, sassy goddess beast. Most commonly I refer to her as SLY. She also answers to Isis but there’s only one person who can refer to her as that. It’s interesting that S Factor focuses on embracing your “Erotic Creature.” That is one of the best ways to describe that part of me.

I realize I have to let her out more and more. In the past, I didn’t know how to tame this power within me. I didn’t know how to focus the energy and I was pretty much a loose cannon. I was careless and overpowering and so I buried her. I just buried her alive. She was kicking and screaming; clawing and wailing like a banchee but I buried her.

But I’ve learned, if you bury yourself alive…it doesn’t die. It’s spirit haunts you until you let it back into your body again. I’m excited and nervous in this exploration. I know that I can not go back. I know better now.  I can never silence my Siren. [UPDATE: I should note that it wasn't my sensual sexual self that I buried. It was a part of that sensual self. The animalistic, predator within me. The seductress who wields her power whether for sex, love or joy. It was that creature that was buried]

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Taking two hours once a week to let my body take up space, to fill out every curve pushing more and more into it has shown me what I didn’t see before. Merely exercising or stretching wouldn’t have done it. It’s in the warm up, its in the “goddess rising”, its in the “cat crawl”, its in the way I take off my shirt as I do “hip circles.” It’s in the music and the way that I breath. It’s the way that I can just let go in order to fall into a “half pint” on the pole.

I know what I like. Therefore I can never use silence or “I don’t know” as an excuse. I know what titillates me. What invigorates me. There’s something about touching my inner thigh that turns me on. Not using it as an excuse to get closer to my vagina. But just my inner thigh. Just that.

While I enjoy slow love making or moving my body to a breathy, beautiful song, I find that my soul really comes alive when its being rocked. Whether that’s through a hard core song or being bitten or any other ways. Use your own imagination.

That’s it! I’m learning ALL the facets of my sensuality and my sexuality. I can put words and movements and breathe to it. Those movements excite me. I have never been given the space, freedom or support to move my body in the ways that we engage it at S Factor. I’m excited to move on and tap into even more of my being. But knowing what I know now, all future lovers, they must beware. I am not the same. This beast inside, she can never be buried again. Some of my skirts are getting shorter. I’d rather dance in seven inch heels than bare feet. My tolerance is low. A bit of my language is now vulgar. And should I encounter a pole, I won’t just stand there.

The siren within is screaming for a kill. She is demanding. She is hungry. Her soul must be engaged or she will eat you alive. No. I’m lying. Either way she will eat you alive.

Last week in class, after building on our pole tricks, our strengths, a sensual lap dance and choreography, we begin doing the dances in groups of two. In previous weeks, the entire class would move to the music. This time if you weren’t performing, you were a part of the peanut gallery. I wondered how I’d feel doing this piece while my sisters watched but as I do before I begin my movement, I silenced the outside world.

I tapped into my sensual self, my Isis siren and I let her wake up in her lair. And when the music engulfed me, I begin to move. Slowly, full of breath and passion. Full of love and desire. Longing to feel everything. The wall. The wood. My hair. Any and everything. I didn’t feel rushed. I let myself take up as much space and time as I wanted. I seduced the chair, the pole….shit, I seduced myself. And so it went.

I am a passionate creature. I’ve known this of myself. I love to be touched. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. I like the entirety of my being to be engaged. I like to tease and flirt. I want it all and then I want it some more and more.

I thought decorum and appropriateness needed to hold a priority over my own desires and way of life but as I move on to Level Two and as I grow the fuck up, I’ve learned…I’m pass that. The lady in me is half siren and she is anything but tame.

Goodbye Sheena of yesteryear and yesterday. It was nice to be naive and simpleminded. But the Sheena of today, she’s uncovered some layers. Be ye warned or get out my damn way.

My new favorite blog is Express the Sensual. I wish she were in New York. I’d take lessons with her every day. I’m currently stalking her blog and reading EVERY post. Girlfriend needs to write a book, make a movie, and bottle it all up. Just saying.

I’m not afraid of my femininity and I’m not afraid of my sexuality. ~ Goldie Hawn

I put myself on the line with my truth and my sexuality. That is my choice. My choice. ~ Anne Heche

S FACTOR WRITINGS

Sheila Kelley S Factor Review

The Siren Has Awoken

If You’re Sexy & You Know It, Clap Your Ass???

Do Everything Your Mama Told You Not to Do

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