Happy Birthday Tinuola Olateju

by SLY on February 15th, 2011

Tinu would have turned 16 years old today.

I thought I’d lose my shit when Maura died of cancer at 22. Little did I know that Tinu wouldn’t live to see her 16th birthday. I try to make at least the birthday post of those we’ve lost to reflect in a positive light. I really do. Despite my mouring and my sorrow. …Despite myself, I muster the little courage of hope that I can find and I focus on their life. Not their death.

But I’m being weak today. I’m sorry if that makes it hard for anyone today. I just don’t know how to be strong when Tinu is not here to celebrate her sweet sixteen.

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My sister Bianca is sixteen. I was so excited for Bianca to be sixteen. I flew her to New York. I bought her clothes. We went out on tours. We got lost in Manhattan. We had ice cream on a cold night with the Brooklyn Bridge in the background. I bought her the phone she wanted. We talked about college, boys and family. I reminded her that she wasn’t allowed to steal my clothes and take them back home to Texas. We stayed up really late and we took a billion pictures and I was just so glad to see her at 16. I was there the moment she entered this world. I watched her as she was born and then I got to pick her up from the airport and play with her for an entire week for her sixteenth birthday.

And I don’t think its fair that Lola can’t do the same. It’s not fair. It’s not right. And I don’t want to say any prayers today.

My melancholy is not fair to my nature. I know my spirit knows better.

I am very grateful for the time we did have we Tinu. From the week I spent in Minnesota, I was able to meet a lot of her friends. It seems Tinu was a star. A great student, a musician and an athlete. She was a committed Christian, devoted to her family and an all around lovely girl. She was complicated. She had many sides to herself. She was also very sweet and everyone had great memories of her.

Tinu, where ever you are, in whatever form, I wish you peace. I hope you know that we think of you. We still cry for you. So many people pray for you. Our hearts are heavy with thoughts of you.

And I’m just a little too sad and you were a little too young and the way in which you left was a little too tragic, so I’m struggling with the positivity in this post.

The cycle of my grief has taken a downward spiral. Even still, you were and are wonderful. You remind me that I need to take care of every little girl in my life. You remind me that mental illness, unchecked emotions and isolation need to be addressed. You remind me that I need to be active and involved in the lives of those around me. You remind me to keep myself in check too.

Happy Birthday Tinuola Olateju. I wish every girl a happy sweet sixteen in honor of Tinu.

Tinuola Olateju

February 15, 1995 – May 29, 2010