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Thursday, April 21st, 2011
Blogs | The North Pole
Goddess Rising ~ S Factor: Level Three
THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF WAYS TO KNEEL AND KISS THE GROUND ~ RUMI
SIREN IN CRISIS
“When you’ve matured, you’ll learn how to harness the power of your siren sensuality,” Kevin gently said to me late one night. It was almost five years ago. Kevin was and has been a dear friend, mentor and confident for most of my life. I had faced one “situation” after another of my dynamic energy being blamed for things outside my control. A friend was divorcing her husband and her sister, distraught over the separation contacted me, “I blame you,” she wrote. “My sister wants to be like you. She sees your free spirit. She sees your sensuality. She wants your lifestyle. You’re the reason she wants to leave her husband.”
The email was longer than that. It was about five pages long explaining how my sexual energy pulled too many people my way. How even heterosexual women happily married wanted to leave their husbands because they wanted a lifestyle like mine. I was blindsided by this email. No, honestly, I was distraught. This was the third time in weeks where, unbeknownst to me, I was the supposed “cause” of people wanting to change their lives.
I was shocked. I had once experienced being the “other” women unbeknowst to me and the guy’s girlfriend at the time but I had since given up those ways. I was single, working on my career, developing my artistic lifestyle and enjoying my friendships. I actually wasn’t causing any trouble anymore. I was in a committed relationship and I went home at reasonable hours.
Even still, I couldn’t escape it. I couldn’t escape the siren that lived inside of me. Even when I ignored her, she reared what I believed to be an ugly head. I sighed in frustration over coffee that night. “But Kevin,” I bemoaned, “I just don’t know what to do. I could just be standing here. I could be in another state. It doesn’t matter. Somehow this part of myself keeps wrecking havoc. I mean, I know when I’m being intentional; when I’m being flirtatious, suggestive or sexual. I get that. But when I’m not even thinking about it; when I’m preoccupied by something else all together, even still, something happens.” Kevin smiled, “I can’t wait to see you years from now. Do you know how powerful you will be when you learn how to harness this gift?”
I didn’t see it as a gift. As mentioned in previous S Factor posts that are linked below, I thought this “siren” archetype was a curse. I thought her to be inappropriate, inconvenient and the cause of so much trouble, even when I was being a “good girl.” I doubted Kevin and I thought he was crazy. Soon after that conversation, I tucked away my sensuality because I didn’t know how to control. I didn’t know how to turn it off or fine tune it. So I buried her alive. I put a muzzle on her mouth. I tied a scarf around her eyes so she couldn’t see. I chained her legs closed and handcuffed her arms behind her back. I did this all while trying to be in a relationship. That’s no good. Your lover most definitely wants to see your inner siren. But I was scared that if I let her out for him, I’d let her out for everyone. Le sigh.
More than six months ago, Sheila Kelley S Factor classes assisted me in unburying her. To be honest, I didn’t unbury her. The moment I let go in class and let the music take over, she clawed her way through the barriers. She pushed her self out of my subconscious into my present. She oozed out of every pore in my skin and looked me face to face. “I’m not going ANYWHERE ever again,” she screamed at me. “I will NEVER be silenced or buried or hidden again. I AM HERE!” she screamed some more. And so, I just stopped fighting it. I embraced her. Luckily with age, time, maturity and experience, I learned how to harness the power and wield it as I so desired.
I’ve been in level three for six weeks now and the ways my siren and myself have found satisfaction is more than I can contain in words. I recall during week one of class, another layer of my sensuality unlocked itself. I wasn’t even expecting it to happen when it did. Danzig’s, “She Rides” piped through the speakers during our warm up while I was working on bridge grinds and bridge circles and my spirit extended past my skin. I was not expecting it. They are a heavy metal band that I had never heard of but something about his voice and the words let my hips, my pelvis and my energy enter another word.
After class, my energy oozed everywhere. I remember my mind was racing as I rode the train home, so I pulled out my journal to calm my thoughts. While I won’t share the content of that entry, I will say it was one of the most honest, salacious things I had ever done. There must have been something about that whole moment because when I looked up, I noticed three men starring at me as if I were the only thing that existed. This in and of itself, isn’t much of anything. Men and women stare and observe each other every day. But I noticed over time, two of the men kept getting out of their seats and moving closer towards me while keeping their eyes on me the entire time. No words were exchanged, their eyes just never left me.
“This is unreal,” I thought. They sustained their trance in my energy for the entire time that I rode the train. I heard my siren say, “I AM HERE!” I smiled to myself as I exited the train. “My god, S Factor has changed everything.”
Another week in level three, our teacher decided to give us a taste of some of the upper level assignments for fun. “Let’s try something new,” she said, “Pole one will be your past. Pole two will be your present. Pole three will be your future. Move and dance how you want but take those things into consideration as you approach each pole. See what happens.” Some ladies grunted at such an assignment. Some struggled with translating the concept into movement. My siren did a cartwheel. “I love shit like this,” she said to me leaping towards the pole before my body even moved. Without over-thinking my movement or planning what each of those three things represented, I had the time of my life in this exercise. Again, I’ll leave the details to my memory but I believe that was a more exciting assignment than any given in my college studies! 30 page paper OR sensual movement exercise. I’ll choose the pole! Trust me, my sanity depends on it!
Most often, I am surprised by the ways my siren (or as S Factor would say, “Erotic Creature”) has chosen to reveal herself. To be honest, I thought she’d be completely frisky, vulgar,Â and bold while dropping it like it’s hot every chance she got. I thought my siren would be like my personality at dance clubs. Hips shaking, ass moving and the delight of any man that could keep up. But after warm ups, when our teacher turns the lights down further and the music level increases, I find that she likes to step out deliberately paying special note to every single detail of her body and how it engaged with everything else from fabric to wood to metal. She loves moving on the floor. She loves touching her skin. She loves moving slowly, intentionally and very passionately. Yes, at times my siren has many ways of revealing herself. Sometimes she is more frisky and feisty. Sometimes she’s coy. She’s many things. But her dominant personality is a slow oozing sensuality. She likes breathing slowly and deeply. Most of all, she loves taking her time.
Basically, S Factor has changed everything. You’d be surprised by what I can do on a pole. More so than that, you’d be in awe by what I can do without it.
That second picture up above featuring the dancer doing a descending angel on the pole… yea, I have bragging rights. I can do that now. Just saying.
SLY’s other S FACTOR WRITINGS