I thought I knew what RAGE was when given this particular pole dancing assignment last week. I really thought I had it in the bag and I was going to knock my assignment & my freestyle dance out of the entire FUCKING ball park. I thought I was gonna kick some ass in my dance and look like a sexy beast while doing it. Interesting how those thoughts pan out.
For weeks now, my instructor Ilov Grate has been talking about taking it to the next level with my erotic creature/ inner siren. She’s asked if I’d be interested in her giving me challenges in class like warming up (sexy pilates & yoga) for an hour with thigh high 5 inch heels on or dancing with everyone turned away from me. I do NOT like that. I had the urge to claw one girls face off when she closed her eyes while I was dancing. (Not really. Just the energy of my creature’s dance wanted to claw at her…ISIS demands that you look at her!)
Let me diverge for a second, regarding this eye contact thing. For people unaccustomed to pole dancing and sensual movement, especially in a classroom with other people, the beginning stages can be overwhelming. Just walking into the room with an open willingness takes courage. Having the guts to freestyle dance or to try a spin where more than likely you’ll mess up on the first try, takes even more courage. Its why I appreciate the way S Factor teaches their classes. Low light to almost no light. No Mirrors. Etc. (Having mirrors and brighter lights are handy sometimes, hence why I take classes at multiple studios. Each has something to offer different from the other.)
After a woman has gotten used to moving her body, in front of others based on her growing strength and emotional connection and vulnerability, S Factor throws another curve. They start teaching us how to give lap dances. For some women this is exciting. For others this is scary. It is what it is. What S does that helps the students is ask that we volunteer for each other by sitting in the chair. What good is it to practice lap dances in an empty chair? You need to eventually learn what its like to do a hip circle with an actual body there. Sometimes I see girls do all sort of tricks in an empty chair, myself included on the chair and I think, “How the hell is that possible? Wouldn’t his/her head be right there? If you did that wouldn’t you kick them in the neck?”
So S Factor asks us to donate our bodies to “science” and we sit in the chair for each other. Because this may be a bit much for some women, we are asked to close our eyes, hold out head back and put our hands under our legs. To the outside looking in, it may be “weird.” But again, it gives the dancer a real life body to use but if they are shy, they don’t have to worry about starring in the eyes of the receiver. I get it.
On the flip side, I think there’s a lot to be said for having the person look at you. You learn about energy and our relationship to one another. You learn about power play and nuisances. There’s so much in eye contact but I get it, if a woman’s comfort level will only allow for the receiver to close their eyes. Again, all this takes courage. There are some women so frighten of their sexuality and other’s sexuality that they wouldn’t even have the boldness to try the class in the first place.
But me dancing as ISIS! Oh, I need you to look at me. I want you to stare at me. Look at every move that I do. Don’t you dare look away. Not that you’ll even have the impulse anyway. You want to watch every single thing I do when I dance, even if I’m just laying there breathing. So when one girl, being nice saw me approach her, laid her head back…I almost freaked out. Well, ISIS did. But Ilov, my instructor, whispered to her and asked her to open her eyes and to keep watching me. YEAH!
That’s a long-winded explanation. The point is I love eye contact and Ilov mentioned how maybe one of the challenges for me might be to have everyone turn their backs on me while I dance. ISIS would probably throw one hell of a fit. I can’t wait to try it.
This past Sunday for our “Rage” class, as mentioned above, I thought I had it all planned out. I had on spikes and cuffs, boots & a riding crop and was ready to go. All I know is one minute I’m dancing with my riding crop, I put it down to go do something on the pole and when I turn around the person in the chair has my MOTHERFUCKING riding crop in their hands and they are kind of taunting me with it.
I had to do a double take. I forgot where I was for a second. I have a STRICK rule about NO ONE touching my riding crop. How the hell? Then I realize, my instructor must have given it to her to see how I’d react in my dance. Oh, I reacted all right. I headed straight for the girl in the chair. My plan was to metaphorically in a sexy dance way FUCK HER UP! We were exploring rage, right?
As I crawled slowly but in a determined way towards her, I felt some resistance. WHAT THE FUCK? I threw my head back and realize my instructor had the AUDACITY to grab my legs and pull me away from the girl in the chair. She didn’t want me to get my crop back. OH HELL THE FUCK NO!!! While maintaining my dance and connection to body and sensuality, I clawed my way from her and moved closer to the chair. HA! Take that Ilov!
As soon as I was almost to the chair and MY riding crop, I felt resistance again. This time Ilov pulled me harder. I couldn’t even register the bullshit that was happening right then. ISIS grew fangs. My body threw a fit. I morphed into something else. There was no going back. “Go get your riding crop,” Ilov said as she pulled me AWAY from it. It took some effort, a bit of growling but I managed to get free. I got to the girl, grabbed my riding crop and danced my way away from her. I threw the crop across the room, threw my body against the pole, threw my head back, touched myself and collapsed on the floor.
In that slow S get up way, I stood up, leading with my ass, grabbed my riding crop again, and took the slowest, sweetest, most seductive and most evil, deliberate, sensual walk towards the chair while maintaining eye contact and toying with MY riding crop in MY hand. If we were playing a scene in a dungeon, the dominatrix in me would spank the shit out of her once I got to that chair. Don’t ever touch MY riding crop!
BUT. Breathe SHEENA!!! We were in the safety of the beautiful S Factor and this was a dance. Luckily for the girl, my song came to an end right when I reached her. In another life and in another time in some alternate universe, she’s eventually gonna get spanked!
So that’s how my rage manifested. I’m glad Ilov pushed me. I’m also grateful that she knows me well enough to know that she can touch me and push me in my dance and that I’ll thrive on it and use that energy. After the dance Ilov checked in with me, made sure I was ok and wanted my feedback. I felt good. I was sweating. My heart was racing. And as it turns out, somehow in my fit of rage, I had punctured my leather boot with the spikes on my wrist or hand in my upper thigh and there was blood. Where there is rage, yes, there will be blood!
If you want to know, I danced to “Counting Bodies Like Sheep” by A Perfect Circle. Lord knows I love that song! So hot and yummy! Also, if you’re reading this post, you should also read “The Rage of ISIS”.
Below are some of my favorite sexy musings.
Conversations With My Skin | Set Your Soul Ablaze | Goddess Rising | Rebuild Yourself | Adjusting For Decency | Moving Meditation | Needing It | Bravery, Boldness, Courage and Strength | If You’re Sexy & You Know It, Clap Your Ass