Singles In America with Patti Stanger

According to Match.com, 65% of men and 69% of women prefer sex at 10pm. I find this intriguing. I JUST told my best friend that having sex at bedtime is a buzz kill.

Imagine this. You are 7 years old and you’ve had the best day of your life. Your mom cooks dinner and it ROCKS. Now its 8pm and you’re watching your favorite disney show. Now its 9pm and you take a bath and play with your rubber ducky and its awesome. Then its bedtime and you’re not to happy about it but you have a glass of water and your dad reads a bedtime story. Dr Seuss! And then they turn out the lights and you lay down. Then they turn the lights back on and say, “Ok, now time for dessert!”

In my lament to my bestie about a lover who loves to “LOVE” on me at bedtime, I said, “Who wants dessert after they’ve been tucked in? I want sex all the time. Not once we’re in bed for the night! My energy is all low and stuff. Sex is dessert and I want that throughout my day or at least after dinner. Not when I’m going to bed!”

Apparently, according to the 5,300 singles surveyed across America, I am in the minority. 69% of you women want it after you’ve been tucked in for the night. For the fourth year in a row, Match.com has examined the attitudes and behaviors of singles across the nation  in order to get a full glimpse on how singles view love and relationships today. The study, conducted by ResearchNow in November 2013, included nearly 150 questions covering everything from faking it with a partner, to singles’ views on gay marriage, to how much singles are spending on their dating lives. Ready to find out what singles really had to say?” Check out the results at SinglesInAmerica.com

To celebrate and discuss the findings, I was invited to an exclusive media & blogger event by Singles Edition Media hosted by Match.com and co-sponsored by  Van Gogh Vodka. The set up was great. Bloggers arrived and had time to mingle with each other and drink the custom delicious beverages created by Jonathan Pogash, aka The Cocktail Guru. In order to ensure that I gave a proper review, I tested all three custom drinks.

"Singles in America" - sheenalashay.com

The “My Honey Valentine”, the “Cool Peach Bellini” and the “Spice It Up.” All three were excellent. Simply excellent. Therefore I had a second round…of each! My recommendation is to have a brunch date and make one of these drinks. I also love that Jonathan gave a demo and showed us how to make each drink, supplied us with cute branded recipe cards and explained in full detail how the process of drinking a cocktail engages all five of your senses. I have never paid attention to that before and its so true!!!! Drink with purpose and passion! It’s a sensual experience. (Watch his demos here.)

"Singles in America" -sheenalashay.com

Up next, it was time for the panel to discuss the findings of the Singles In America survey and to answer the audiences’ questions. Luckily, for those not attending, Singles Edition Media live streamed the event. (The full video can be found on youtube and I’ve embedded it below.) The panel! Well, the panel was moderated by Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger and featured Celebrity Blogger Perez Hilton, Chief Scientific Advisor for Match.com Dr Helen Fisher, Cosmopolitan’s Sex & Relationship Editor Anna Breslaw, and Leading Sex Expert and Bravo TV Star Dr. Emily Morse

I’m going to be honest because I find it very difficult to lie. When I saw the invite listed Patti Stanger as the panel moderator, I was unsure of the validity of this event. Sorry, Patti! I know she’s the Millionarie Matchmaker but I have never connected with her perspective of dating….especially since I know she has this thing against regarding naturally curly hair. But whatever. Boy, was I surprised when upon seeing Patti and watching her during the panel and talking with her after the event, I met a completely different woman that what is shown on tv. Well, she’s still bold, direct and no-nonsense when it comes to dating. But she’s actually petite, GORGEOUS and lovely. WHAT?! My idea of her was moreso of a towering somewhat mean and overbearing principal. That’s so far from the truth. She is your every day fun girlfriend. Sweet, engaging…and stunning.

The same can be said for Perez Hilton. I thought, what the hell does he have to say about dating? I’ve been reading his blog since 2006 and well its celebrity gossip. So what did he have to say to me? What could I learn from him? Wanna know what I learned? That our dating philosophies are eerily similar. Patti didn’t agree but I prefer having a first date happen at a coffee shop. Not because I am cheap but because I want a mini-test date first before I commit to a dinner with someone or an activity with someone. Perez dates the same way. And while he has gone on about 12 different dates recently, he’s only had sex with 1 person. I don’t know if that’s for the year of 2014 or for the year of 2013 or what but I believe him. I can be the same way. I think some people get the impression that I have sex twice a day with two different men each day. Now, I definitely have gone on 2 or 3 dates with 2 to 3 different men in a 24 hour period but I actually have not fucked half of manhattan. Neither has Perez. Basically put, I identified with him and that’s something that has never happened before.

"Singles in America" - sheenalashay.com

Dr. Helen. Girlfriend is a genius. She’s a pure genius and her insight and understand of human behavior, psychology, physiology and the likes is mind blowing. I’d like to have tea with her every day. Emily and Anna, they were refreshing, fun and engaging. Basically put, I’d love to go out to dinner with the whole panel any day of the week. They were all different and had different experiences and philosophies but I enjoyed hearing from them all. It was just so fun.

Based on the questions asked from the audience, so many people are looking for the “one,” long before they even go on the first date. And they have an idea of who the “one” is suppose to be and they haven’t even articulated why that is. “He must be a doctor!” they say to themselves but they can’t even say why. Thus cutting off so many amazing men and women that rock. Along with trying to find the one thus adding way too much pressure for a simple coffee date, what I could feel from some people was this jaded sense of loss hope regarding the other sex. “I’ve tried.” or “It’s just so hard to date in New York.”

Patti said it best, “You gotta have hope. You have to find your smile.” She talked about how if you are negative and jaded…that builds up energy all around you. People can sense that energy. So if New York sucks for you and you believe all the men suck….move to Alaska. The air is different there. Or work on yourself first. Date yourself. Focus on the other things that bring you pleasure and that energy is what others will experience.

When given the chance, I did also ask a question for my best friend that I already knew the answer to. She sort of has this thing about friending the guys she dates on facebook and instagram and youtube and twitter and vine and tumblr and wordpress and the list goes on. (She’s gonna kill me!) And then when it doesn’t work out with the guy she’ll kind of still keep tabs on his social media profiles. “I think I can tell who his new girlfriend is,” she’ll say or…the one that got me, “He had the nerve to like my instagram picture but he didn’t respond to my text.” I was baffled, “Are you in middle school? You can’t say that sentence outloud!”

Patti and the rest of the panel agreed with me. Keep a bit of mystery and don’t go cyber stalking a guy after the first date or hell, even after the tenth date. I’ve made a rule of that. The few times I broke it….it ended up not working out for numerous reasons. Even the guy I’ve been dating for a year and a half now…. while 15 of my friends are his friend of facebook…I’m not. I don’t want to be. I’m his lover in real life, screw facebook. (Except not “screw facebook” because personally I use it everyday!)

All in all, this was such a fun event. I wish more men were in attendance. I wish we had more time to chat. I wish I had sampled all the drinks a third time. I wish I had gotten a chance to meet all the bloggers. And I hope Match.com and Singles Edition does this again. Its a great way to spend an afternoon.

Do you online date? Considering Match.com did the survey and initiated this event, its a legitimate question. I’ve been doing it for years. I have had great experiences and ok experiences. Even recently, I had a first date…coffee shop date with a guy I met on another online site and well…that wasn’t one of the best dating stories ever…but I’m not jaded and life is swell.

You know how I know life is swell. Immediately after the event, I was treated to a yummy steak and lobster dinner at Ben & Jack’s Steakhouse and that wasn’t even planned. Let’s just say, I usually dish out less for my total meal that what was customary to leave for tip! It’s all about having that yummy, positive life energy. It leads to amazing experiences. Now given, it was a “friendship date”….but we were having so much fun…we spent the evening eating expensive food and flirting with the entire wait staff. “Sir King” was our favorite of them all. We hope to see him again next time we are there. :-) It was great!

I tend to write a lot about dating, sex and relationships. You may also want to read… “The Relationship is Dead. Stop Kissing It” and “Always Wear Your Pretty Panties” and “The Responsibility of Your Own Pleasure” and ‘Reconnecting with Your Sexuality After Abuse” and “Lovers and Losers and Lessons Learned” and “Giving Up Junk food Relationships” and “Leave Her Panties On” and “30 Lessons on Love, Life and Loss” and “On Love and Fucks

Check out the video of our event below.

And while this blog post isn’t “sponsored” persay, I did attend this event because of an invite from Singles Edition Media. Thanks so much. Of course, all opinions are my own…mainly because I like the sound of my own authentic voice. Its sultry, profane and a little gritty.

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Showing 2 comments
  • Nina
    Reply

    I am right there with you about wanting sex at any other times than bedtime. If I’m going to bed, it’s because I am exhausted to the point of not being able to work any more, so why anyone would think that’s the best time to start something I don’t understand.

    Also I met my husband via OKCupid, and had some half-decent dates before I met him, so I am all for online dating :)

  • HenriettaWalker
    Reply

    I actually prefer sex at 10 pm too. Oh, and also at 9.30. And at bedtime … after lunch? Ha ha. Let’s face it, I like it anytime. Not that I’m any kind of sex maniac or anything …

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