It does not happen as often as when I was younger but if I am not being mindful, I fall into a self induced mindset of objectifying men.
My intent is not to dehumanize them.
It starts out in the innocence of desire and attraction.
I see something that captivates me.
But honestly, it doesn’t start as a someone.
It starts with seeing a chocolate skin color…..a budging bicep…… a set of green eyes…….. full lips.
It starts out visually and sensually.
I smell cologne. I see the outline of what I hope to assume to be a large penis.
And my mind races.
I think to myself, “This would be delicious. Do I want this? Do I have open space in my weekend to allow for this? I would devour him.”
It is then that I allow this moment to move into him being a full fledged person.
I make eye contact.
But honesty, it’s not even to make a connection. I make that eye contact to give off my predatory seductive cues that I am open and he is allowed to return the gaze.
Then,….. then he becomes a person. But in the context of my want.
Now I need to read cues. Is he married? Is there a ring? I see no ring. But is there a girlfriend? Hmmm.
And if all cues point to the positive support of what my vagina is pulsating for, I flirt. I smile. Maybe I speak. Sometimes I simply make the first move. I might ask their name. Sometimes I comment on their bodies.
Once I simply stated, “I want you.”
At some point my heart and my mind catches up with my clit and I wonder about him. Who is he? What is his passion? What drives him? What keeps him up at night? What moves him? What inspires him?
The time lapse between “this body is for me to devour” and who is this man?…can be five seconds, one minute, or one hour. When I was younger, it took me months of dating a man or fucking a man to acknowledge the humanity in him.
I just wanted my fix. I wanted to feel good. I didn’t need his life story or his feelings. I simply needed his penis, his hands and his lips. Remember, “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You“? I wrote, “I can be EXTREMELY shallow. I like very attractive men with great bodies and huge dicks. I feel like every other kind of man is a waste of my time. (Some of you have lost respect for me.)”
Over time, over broken hearts, and the cost of my own dignity, I learned compassion and maturity.
But I get it.
I get what plagues the women who are my fiends. I get all the Facebook updates about cat calls, being objectified, and more. I get it because men have done it to me and I have done it to them.
And sometimes it’s all just subconsciously. Sometimes he’s an object and a body part for just a few seconds. But it happens.
It happened on the train today. I noticed his biceps, legs and skin before I noticed the humanity behind his eyes. Flashes of rough and passionate sex flew through my mind.
Then I noticed him playing chess on his phone.
Then I wondered about his mind and him as a person.
Men get a rough wrap for their treatment of women. I get that too. Patriarchy. Religion. Politics. Culture.
But I’m guilty too.
I objectify men and I understand how easy it is to do.
I think the lesson is not to shame the men or ourselves as women for doing this. Perhaps objectification is a shadow energy of genuine attraction. Rather than shaming, we learn for ourselves first how to go from desire to connection. Because once you connect, eye to eye, heart to heart, mind to mind… You remember there is a soul contained beyond all that lickable skin.
It takes less time for me to recover from objectification.
I’m working on it.
This post is part of my 30 Days to 30 birthday challenge, #WDW2014 where I write and muse on topics that challenge me to crack my self wide open. My desire is to let go, let loose and tap into my raw nature. I want to get even more in tuned with my soulful knowing, my deep intuition and I want to be intentional, communal and to share my spirit. There are 30 days until my 30th birthday and I’d like to spend this time breaking myself open as I delve deeper into what it means to be a Wild Magical Woman.