“Seduce him. Give him your heart. Cut it out and put it in his fucking hands.” – Claire Underwood.
If there were a quote to sum up my WILD and MAGICAL approach to dating, intimacy, sex and men for 2014, I did what Claire Underwood commanded. I seduced them. I gave them my heart. I cut it out and put it in their fucking hands.
I use the plural because as we know, I tend to love multiple men.
I started the year on a high by ringing it in with a special lover I’ve known for a bit of time now. He prepared a feast for us. I wore a skimpy salacious dress. We kissed at midnight and then had #NewYearsEve sex. A few weeks later and we were in St Martin’s on an island where the air was magic. I had never been on a romantic trip with a lover before and I finally got to cross that off my list.
- In 2013 I crossed “experience a threesome” off my sexual/sensual goal list.
- In 2014 I crossed “experience a romantic sexy wanderlust getaway” off my sexual/sensual goal list.
- Oh, in 2014, I also crossed “experience sex with an Italian man” off my sexual/sensual goal list.
I ended 2014 with a new lover. We’re calling him The Brit. After multiple rounds of ridiculous sex, we conducted a fire burning ritual where we destroyed the things we were ready to let go of in 2014. On that list, it included some not so great moments with the men I dated in 2014, with hopes of more greatness for 2015.
What are your sensual, sexual, erotic and pleasure filled goals for 2015?
Today I want to share 7 important yet real simple facts about my love life that were experienced and/or articulated in 2014.
1. BiSexual men don’t freak me out.
Let me clarify. The idea of me dating or having sex with a bisexual male lover doesn’t freak me out. Some women are holding back vomit right now and some men too. Its no matter. You’re not me nor my vagina. I realized though, while talking it out with the Brit as we lay naked in bed that I don’t have any issue with dating a man who identifies as bi. I used to think I did. The Brit definitely doesn’t feel the way I do. But it was cool and freeing to be able to lay in bed with him and talk about it without any fear of awkwardness.
In the past, I wondered what would happen if a bisexual guy asked me out. But then, I did go on a date with a straight guy who cross dresses and to date, I’ve gone out with a handful of men who were bi. I’ve never had sex with a bisexual guy. But I have made it to the first coffee date with a couple of them. Remember, the guy who hated everything? He identified as bisexual. We never went on a second date because he sucked as a person but all of this shows me my ongoing fluid comfort level with sexuality and men.
There are other important factors that come into play with dating ANY man such as a type of personality that suits me. You can be straight or bi, but you have to be confident and grounded, hence why I tend to date men who are wolf like or beast like. Not alpha males. But just men who are assured, confident and dominating leaders in their own right without even having to utter a word. So, go ahead and fuck who you want. Be careful. Be safe. And when dating me, keep it sexy, positive and wolf like.
2. Please listen to me and please communicate.
There was a first date that never happened because a man would not listen to me. Plain and simple. He started out engaging and flirtatious but when it came time to plan our first date, things just fizzled out of control. He made up excuses. He was silent. He talked too much. He didn’t tell me what was going on. He disregarded or ignored what I said. He was combative. He kept trying to prove a point. I mean, it really was a hot fucking mess. And while women are known to be complicated and talk about a billion things except the actual issue, in this case I made a simple request, “Please pick a time and place for our first date somewhere in Manhattan” and he was never able to do it.
I think there are some women who no matter what, would try to force the first date to happen. This guy isn’t an asshole. He has friends. He has a son. He’s real creative. BUT…I know that communication is key for me. I know that I need to date, fuck or love a man that will listen to me. I know that I need a man that will be honest and direct with me. And even if you can fucking fly, if you can’t listen, I’m not the one for you!
3. I may be polyamorous, open minded, sexually free and expressive but I’m also a human being with feelings
I walked away from a lover because I loved myself more than I was okay with the way his careless unintentional yet repeated behavior hurt me. I feel like some men, after being taken aback by my personality type, start to get too lax with my free spirited ways. For instance, I don’t get jealous. I just don’t. And I openly date multiple men and the men I date, date multiple women. I could talk to a stranger about #GasMaskSex and when given the option, I’d rather be naked and perhaps you can watch. BUT that does not mean that its okay to be careless or lack intentions with me. And that began to happen…over and over again. Just careless, dumb shitty things. And I’m human. So while the idea of a lover having sex with another women when he’s not with me doesn’t bother me one bit…in fact, I’d like to watch….what does bother me is physically being with me and not being present. What does bother me is forgetting to change your sheets between fuck sessions of different women. What does bother me insisting on a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy but I find out all your business because you don’t know how to handle it. This list could go on.
So as much as I loved him. As sweet and dear and amazing and kind as he was. As much as we had been through, I walked away from him because my personal life values meant more to me than cuddling with him at night. My sanity meant more than the lack I felt when with him. Sometimes you need to walk away from any situation or person that isn’t aligned with your pleasure and desire. It is a bold, wild and magical move to make. Its proclaiming that you honor your worth and its important to do.
4. I NEED/WANT/DESIRE and am ALWAYS HUNGRY for RED HOT SEX
I remember complaining to my girl friends over dinner that sex with one lover was good. Really good. But what I wanted was for my skin to be on FIRE! The “good sex” I described to them made them wet. They were all, “mmmmm!” And I sat at dinner whining because I wanted my skin to be “ON FIRE!” Not literally. In fact, I wasn’t even talking about “kinky sex,” which I like too. I just need my “regular vanilla” sex to be passion fueled, hot and dripping with pleasure. I want to be exhausted. I want to be taken. I just need it to be red hot.
SO, for a few brief months I went back to Mr. Officer earlier last year. Everyone warned me about it. Like EVERY SINGLE PERSON. Remember, he made me count the miles. He was too busy saving the world, that he forgot about us during some points of our five year relationship. I felt like maybe if I committed a crime, I might get his attention. So yeah, dating him was not an option and yet I did it last year. And it was salacious and sexy and mind blowing. I had no expectations. I knew it wasn’t long term. I know. I know. I know. But there was something so very specific that I wanted and I knew I would receive it from him. And I did. Over and over and over again. The problem is…because we have a five year history…once you start seeing each other multiple times a week…feelings start up again, behaviors start up again….and as quickly as he had come back into my life, I wiped him away again.
In addition to Red HOT sex with Mr. Officer, I started dating two new lovers who both….there are just no words. There are no words. Just praise the gods of sex.
A few quick tips on having red hot sex with me.
- Foreplay should begin even before I see you. Foreplay should be happening always. Every utterance with me, should be a turn on, a tease, a long yummy journey to eventually having sex with me. – Before doing anything, ask yourself, “would this comment or this action seduce, provoke or turn her on.” If it wouldn’t, keep it to yourself.
- Find ways to touch every part of my body. Every surface of my skin is sensitive.
- Change positions. Sex should be more like acro yoga and less like 10 minutes in doggy style.
- Work on stamina. I usually have an orgasm around 1.5 hours into sex unless you have that ultra magic touch and more than likely you don’t. So along with working on cardio at the gym, practice meditation, breathing exercises, tantra and whatever else. I believe sex should last at the very least 2 hours unless its quicky sex where we are about to get caught.
- Work on mastering your body and your orgasms. I’m usually not even fully turned on until after a guy has had his first orgasm. I mesh the best with a man who has at least 2 to 3 orgasms in one sex session. Those kinds of men are the best lovers.
- Find ways to turn me on without touching me. Eye contact. Breath. Words. Commands. Smell.
- The bigger your penis, the better.
Point is, whether its an ex in a situation where you can manage and master yourself or a new lover, sometimes you just need to be fucked full of lust with a man who can give you unlimited orgasms….who causes you to trimmer with a glance..….who knows exactly what to do, over and over with no end. Sometimes you just need mind blowing, life altering sex with someone you feel safe, held and protected with. And sometimes that’s all you need and when you’ve had it, that’s it. And sometimes, that’s not it. Sometimes its the beginning of a great adventure.
5. Creativity and Fun Matter
I don’t do fuck buddies. If you do, more power to you but I don’t. I don’t “hang out.” If you do, more power to you too. I have lovers and we date. And lately, those lovers have also become my friends. We build together. We are committed to bringing positive and uplifting energy into each other’s lives. And, we date. Which means creativity and fun matter. Red hot sex is important but also sharing great experiences together is important too. From the date night at the speakeasy to one lover gifting me with an aphrodisiac cookbook with beautiful photography to the fire burning ritual, I have been blessed to experience some creative and fun moments with the men in my life. Keep it up! If you can’t think of creative and fun things to do, let me know and I’ll come up with some ideas. Or google it. And keep in mind, there is no price tag on creative and fun. You could spend $0 or $1,000. The point is to invest yourself into the experience.
6. I’m all in or its nothing
Dating me is an intense experience. Intense because I don’t fuck around. Context is probably important considering how many times I’ve said “fuck” in this post. I don’t do small talk. I don’t waste time. You will be seen. And by seen, I mean I will peer through your fucking soul and call your spirit forth. If the idea of intimacy freaks you out, I’m not the one. Some men are taken aback by me because I see through any bullshit and pretense but I can be an enigma and often people cannot read me. I ask uncomfortable questions. I don’t really believe in taboo. I have a somewhat insatiable appetite for desire, pleasure, passion, seduction and life. I want every experience to be sensual and engaging. And really, anything else is a waste of my time. I’m not trying to marry you, be your girlfriend or have a million babies. But I’m also not your 3am Friday fuck buddy call after you’ve been chilling with your boys at the bar. I’m a Wild Magical Woman, an Intellectual Sensual Shaman according to Danny Simmons, so what you get, IS ME. All of me. In whatever iteration that is for the moment. I’m similar to the woman described in this post. That’s what it means to be my friend, to be my lover…to be in my life. You either get all of me or you get none of me. And you show up too. Don’t waste my or your time. Life is too short and I want every moment to be delicious, real, raw, authentic and the truth. Fuck off, if you are anything less than that.
7. Forgiveness is a conduit for enlightenment
If you love him and if its worth it and if you can tend to and mend your wounded ego, forgive him. I probably need to do a follow up of my post “When Friends Hurt You” with one called “When Lover’s Hurt You.” (In fact, adding it to my content calendar now.) But if you’ve processed the situation or the relationship similar to how I did in the friend post linked above and you’re willing, then forgive and build again. It took three tries, a lot of tears and a lot more and in one case, we were able to forgive each other. I learned some things about myself. I had to carve new boundaries. I had to let go of the pain I found comfort in and I had to open up more to my vulnerable side.
The same goes for a new lover., the Brit. He’s intense. In fact, we agree that we’re the incarnation of each other just as the other gender. Its fascinating. But he’s intense. And in order to be all in, there are vulnerable sides of me I have to look at even deeper and address. He’s bringing up things I’ve dismissed or buried. Things about protection and safety and trust and vulnerability and family and responsibility. And its causing me to pause and to face more of my demons and more of the demons that others unleashed on me. Its truly fascinating. And a lot of it involves forgiveness which I define as “releasing control that you’re giving the other.”
Also you have to eventually forgive yourself. You know what that means. Each of you knows whatever that applies to. If a man is to be a lover and if I am to be my own lover, its an everyday practice of forgiving as a conduit to further enlightenment and love and growth. That’s what I’m learning as a key factor.
As you can see, I’m all in or nothing. I seduced them. I gave them my heart. I cut it out and put it in their fucking hands. And 2014 was a wild and magical, pleasure filled ride with hot sex, fun dates and amazing me. How do I know? Here’s some of their feedback.
- Do you know that you’re the one person I know that always has such great energy, [is] loving, caring and ambitious? You’re an amazing person. I would say woman but you’re just an amazing person,…. woman, friend and lover. I appreciate you. Glad to have you in my life.
- I have a lot to share with you. I need to centre and decide in what order. You have my complete attention.
- In my 31 years of life I’ve never met another with such an intriguing life story as mine, spontaneous sexual side, and as expressive as you are…it definitely has me coming back like avid readers of Zane. I’ve purchased my plane ticket to Sheenaville and I’m on board!!! Wheels up…and enjoying the ride.
- Your kisses are like magic.
What are some important facts about your love life?
Here are some other fun ways to engage with my love life. Check out my 2013 review post titled Lovers, Losers & Lessons Learned .
You can also read other fun dating posts such as:
- Speakeasy and Goodnight Kisses
- 3 Things to Say to Her
- How Technology Makes Dating Awesome
- How to Date a Football Fanatic
- And one of my most popular a Sexy Little Review of Instead Soft Cup. A story about my bleeding vagina and how a cup allows me to still have sex during a time when I’m so freaking HORNY!
Some of my favorite quotes of the year were:
- “#TeamRotate” <– that’s my term because why choose between Fitz or Jake when you can have both. Remember, I love multiple men.
- “I like sexy date ideas. Tonight, an unmarked speakeasy. He just sent me the code word.”
- “I don’t trust a man that I can’t google.”
- “I don’t get jealous. I get turned on. I see jealousy as the fear of being replaced and that’s impossible. I’m a siren. And I’m a voyeur too. So no. I don’t get jealous. I get turned on.”
- “I went on a date with a Christian. This is new for me. And it was an amazing date. Hmpf. Life is constantly bitch slapping my assumptions and boundaries.”
- “Don’t be a boychild and confuse a siren for a banshee.”
- “The bigger, the better. That’s how I like my hair, men and scoops of gelato.”
- “One naughty thought a day, keeps the doctor away.”
- “#SirenShit” <– the term I used when I’m guilty.