I don’t know what it was that drew us together. Yes, I know our history. We worked together at a trading and technology firm on Wall Street. Did you start in 2010 or 2011? I had worked in the Chicago office from 2008 to 2010 and then transferred to the New York office. And in one of those years, you started working in the NY office and we just vibed. But you know exactly where I’m going with this story because its the moment you had my full attention. Now, we must have hung out several times prior to this story. And by hang out I mean, creative, artsy, fun, sensual things. We have similar tastes in the experiences we like. So there had to be some sort of back history to explain how one day at work, you walked up to me and said……
“Sheena. Pick one. Wolf or Sheep.”
I didn’t know what you were talking about. I didn’t know if it was simply a game of “Choices” or if picking the answer would open the skies above and my life would change forever. Didn’t matter. In a nanosecond, I said with utter enthusiasm, “WOLF!”
“Cool!” you said. You gave me a time and place to meet you and said no more. UGH, why do you know all the ways to my heart and crooked soul!?!?!
Lets back up for a second. Prior to this when it came to self-evaluation or writing, I was used to referencing various archetypes. Such as The Siren, The Artist, The Scribe. The Magical Child. And I was even familiar with the archetype of The Wolf. But in 2012, I didn’t use it readily.
Most people reading this who know me NOW, know that I often use the term “Wolf” to describe certain kinds of men, in general. I wrote my explanation of the WOLF archetype over on the Sweet Spot Nation blog. And often I post provocation comments about Wolves on my facebook back. Last month, the following:
I not only use the term to describe the types of men in my life who are friends and/or lovers, I also use it to describe myself, since its really based on characteristics and not just gender. But that’s what people think of when I say “Wolf.” I know they clicked over to this letter to read of the amazing lover who introduced me to all my #WolfShit. Who is this man? What did he do to her? How did he become the original Wolf? How long were they involved? But…..that’s not what happened with us. Even still, …..
Simon, you are my ORIGINAL Wolf!
Following the information you provided me with, I met you at some location with other people at a bar. There was so much secrecy and mystery, yet excitement. Some people knew exactly what was about to happen and others, like me had absolutely no clue. Then a man, I forget his title, met us and took us to another location. Sometimes these locations were indoors and sometimes outdoor. They were always on a full moon. And everyone was assigned a role. It was sort of like immersive theater. Sort of. But not really. I can’t give away too many details because I promised the Pack I wouldn’t. But I can say that I was a Wolf. Like on the ground, crawling, howling, climbing, running, dirty as fuck….a Wolf under the Full Moon in a pack of others Wolves. And there were other animals. And people too.
I’ve told a few people the full story in real life, as we always were recruiting new people to initiate. When I tell the story it sounds like I was on drugs. Actually, in July 2015, I wrote a gratitude letter and it stated the following:
Simon. You. Oh you!!!! Because one day in that Wall Street office, you walked up to me and said, “Pick one, Lamb or Wolf.” and days later I literally was howling at the moon. Every experience I’ve had with you has been unforgettable. I think you were the first Male Wolf to bring out my Female Wolf. And when I tell the story…which I’m not supposed to…people think I was on drugs.
Lets just say, what I experienced was the most visceral, primal, immersive, heart pounding, crazy thing ever. It was living art. It was chaotic. It was purposeful. It was gritty. It was creepy. It was fun and exciting and each month I kept going back for more.
Sometimes you would simply email me, “This Thursday. Pack meeting.” And I’d check the latest news from The Den and show up at our Pack meetings. And then when the Full Moon hit again…I was the Wolf.
“The Wild still lingered in him and the wolf in him merely slept.” – Jack London, White Fang
- “…. a series of awakenings for those with lupine spirits hiding beneath human skins. By full moonlight, we will explore the wolf within and mark the city’s overlooked territories.”
- “…. seeking kindred spirits to join monthly full moon rituals. In addition to wolf-human hybrids, we are seeking shepherds….”
- “….chasing, howling, hunting and feasting your way through…..”
We did this for several months. You and I. The Pack. The Den. Full Moon Rituals. You’re magic Simon.
Over the years, I’d get other emails from you. The subject matter would be something like, “Congress of Curious People” and the email would have a link saying you were planning on going. The email subject line might say, “Dance Parade” or “Calamity Chang” or who knows what else. Oh, there was the message that simply stated, “She-Wolf event at the Brothel for VDay.” I saw the link. Didn’t ask questions. Just bought VIP tickets. Or one message had a link to “Theater of the Varieties” and you simply asked, “Have you done this?” Its endless. I never know what link I’m going to be sent by you. Didn’t we go see some creepy weird theater show in Williamsburg once? It was like a doll house and I remember there was a pole. You also have shown support whenever you can, often coming to the various pole dancing showcases and events I attend, manage or perform in.
As I sometimes give names to the Wolves like Wolf Lord or Wolf God or Alpha Wolf (fraternity reference), for you perhaps the title is “Pleasure Wolf.” That’s what it seems like you do. You take an active step in seeking out pleasure through unique, creative and ridiculous adventures. Luckily enough, you invite me along. And I hunt and howl and run through this jungle of life with you.
Our friendship has its depth too. We don’t just roam and hunt. Sometimes we sit and reflect and connect. I recall our conversation about heartbreak, love, soul mates and more. I told you of Osiris. Told you what I had done. What I had regretted. Why my heart remained tender and whether or not I had hope. A few days later, you wrote me….
I took your story about ‘Osiris” to heart, and last night I sent out an email clearly stating my intentions about her and us. I did it because what I took away from your story was that clear communication is the key, and I didnt want there to be any doubt in her mind as to what I wanted. I gotta tell you. Half of the time since I hit send on that email, I’m thinking and feeling it’s the strongest and best thing I could do. And the other half, I’m freaking out. Love is such a crazy thing.
Sigh. I remember all of this. I’m glad that our conversations can lead to us learning to communicate better and love better!
Listen, Simon, I need you to know that I’m always up for the adventure. And I love that you always find them. You helped unleash my inner Wolf. And now I’ve been gathering packs, roaming through packs and hunting for all the Yum and Pleasure I can find while having an open heart, willing spirit and ever curious mind. Simon, thank you for being my original Wolf.
Love, La Loba
#32LoveLetters is a 32 day blog post challenge leading up to my 32nd birthday, I am writing letters to the people in my life who contributed to me becoming fully myself as a Wild Magical Woman. If someone were to write a biography about me…which they will, it’s imperative that chapters are focused on these 32 people. They have had a profound, lasting and influential effect on my life. I can not tell my own story without telling you of theirs.