INTRODUCTION & PREFACE

You’re probably wondering why a dragon spit on my vagina, right? To be honest, its more like a dragon and a lizard had a baby and its the little LIZGON or DRAZARD. Either way, whatever this fanciful creature is, it morphed into a laser and ended up on my body. I’ve thought for a long time about the possibility of getting laser hair removal. I want you to know it wasn’t just a random decision after talking with the Pole Flight Club women  one night over Korean BBQ. I’ve actually had this conversation a bunch of times. I’ve looked at numerous  skin centers and I always want to jump at the next Groupon deal but I just never did. Sometimes I have to work up my courage to do certain tasks. Hell, it took me two years to finally cut the chemically relaxed perm out of my hair and to wear my curly natural hair. TWO YEARS. I prefer to think things through, consider all the possibilities, get a few opinions, do a google scholar search and then consider making a decision. So my advice to you, do your research! Did you know laser hair removal is different for naturally brown skin toned people than for cream skin toned people or olive toned? It requires different lasers and different settings. I had known for a while that I would need to ensure whatever studio I picked could accommodate my caramel pecan skin tone.

PROCESS

The first step in getting my laser treatment was to fill out WAY too much but NEEDED paperwork from PULSE. I’m glad they required it. I had to take a survey on my skin type, there were medical papers and I think even a waiver in case they melted me. These are all kinds of good things you should know about. I suppose if I made an appointment with a place and they didn’t require anything of me, I’d be more afraid.

Once I arrived at PULSE, I knew I had selected a great place at the guidance of Aerial Amy. Their center had a great ambiance and energy about it. I felt comfortable and at ease. I liked the decor. If a place is pretty and clean, it makes me feel better. I’d much rather have a laser on my “vagina” in a place that has a great floral design on the chairs and soothing color tones on the wall than a grimy place with blood stains and strands of loose hair on the floor. So hey, don’t knock me because pretty makes me feel better. My vagina needs pretty to be at ease. (How many times can I say vagina in this post?)

After getting settled in to the waiting room, my “specialist” brough me into a private room. What’s the name for people who laser your skin? I probably should have google scholared that to make for a more academic and well thought out blog post. We’ll refer to her as my specialists until I learn the right word or someone tells me. Once there, she asked me a shitload of questions. I can’t even begin to tell you. They were well thought out though. She covered every angle. She wanted to make sure I fully understood what I was getting myself into. She made sure she clearly understood what procedure I wanted, that I understood the costs and because I need to know how things work, she explained all the things in the room. I appreciated it.

After the pleasantries were over and it was clear that I was going through with this, she did it. She told me to take off my pants and my panties and lay down. (Ass up, came later.)  Oh, and she gave me stress balls to squeeze so I didn’t have to scream FUCK like I do when I get waxed. And I didn’t people! I have grown up. As of yet, I haven’t screamed FUCK while getting these laser treatments.

And so it began. The process was fairly quick. Certain areas of my mons pubis and labia majora were more sensitive than others. Some parts were completely bearable, other parts made me twitch and go “Owwy!” During the whole procedure, which was only a matter of minutes, I tried thinking positive things. I tried to think of beaches. I tried to think of the best sex I ever had. I tried to chant and be one with buddha. I squeezed the hell out of the stress balls. I practiced working on breathe. Inhale for 10. Exhale for 10. THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS because there is a laser pointed between your legs. For a second I thought, what if this woman misfires and melts my vagina? What if she paralyzes my vagina and I can never feel such amazing things again? What if my vagina turns purple or starts speaking Chinese? She’s fucking me up. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. And then reality would snap back into focus when she’d say, “Sheena, are you breathing?” When I forget to breathe, my mind loses its shit for a few seconds. When any kind of “pain” gets a bit too much for me, I say this little thing to myself. See the tweet below.

I tell you, this works for me a lot. Rethinking the concept of “pain” has done wonders for all parts of my life but it helps when there is a laser between your leg. Its not “pain”, its a “sensation.” I tell myself that when I’m getting a tattoo as well. Or when grief makes me sob like a baby. These are sensations. I think I read it in Shameless by Pamela Madsen as she was getting her ass pleasurable whipped by a dominatrix. (I haven’t reviewed the book yet even though i read it awhile ago. It took me 3 days to read. If I didn’t have a day job, it would have only taken me a few hours. Its just that good.) Reading that in Shameless had me rethinking what was going on with this laser. “It’s not pain. It’s a sensation.” So when the breathing didn’t work or the happy thoughts or pissed off thoughts didn’t work, I remembered the whole “mind over matter” thing. And honestly all this thinking took up the entire 5 or 10 minutes of the session anyway. “I’m done. You did good!” my specialist said.  YAY!

PAIN/SENSATION ~ WHATEVER

Are you wondering, what does it feel like to have a laser between you leg? This is where the fucking dragon comes it. Or the LIZGON or DRAGARD. In my mind, this is how I best describe it. A little baby dragon/lizard is spitting very short, quick spouts of fire on your body. Its quick. You almost don’t notice it until you do but as soon as you register it the baby dragon/lizard has moved on to another part. Because its so quick. It doesn’t “burn” to me. It doesn’t “sting.” It doesn’t feel like “waxing” where hair is being stripped and pulled from my body. It doesn’t feel like getting a tattoo where a needle is scratching the shit out of my skin and inserting ink. It doesn’t feel like that time I burned my hand on a soldering iron where it felt like a shit storm had a party on the nerve endings in my hand. It was a new sensation. It was a laser…on my vagina. Well, not technically since the laser wasn’t inside of me. And the only way I can describe it is the dragon thing spitting fire.  But he’s spitting fire and not blowing it. Because blowing and breathing fire is a different sensation. Its more hot, burning, charred like feeling going on. Spitting fire, is more hot, quick spurts but it doesn’t feel like burning. Just a really hot spit.  It wasn’t the worse pain the world. I’ve had a ruptured cyst cause me to collapse and go crazy. I’ve broken my body in other ways before. I did have that cheerleading accident that landed me in a wheelchair. I’ve had different sensations all throughout my life. And this one, it was a new one. But it was quick and over just like that! Two days later, my specialists called me to check in on me. She wanted to know how I was feeling, if I had any questions and if I needed any follow up. All systems were a go and my next appointment was made.

NITTY GRITTY DETAILS

Listen, if you’re getting lasered between your legs, this is what you should know. Make sure you’re clean. On top of that, apparently you’re supposed to shave that day. Shave whatever you want gone. Whether its a little or all of it. Understand that this specialist is going to be touching you down there. So think about that. Especially if you’re shy or find things like that uncomfortable. UNDERSTAND that a laser is being pointed between your legs. Just make sure you realize this before you go. Don’t plan an awesome date that night. Because if that awesome date is going to lead to awesome sex, its not going to happen. I couldn’t even pole dance for 24 hours. Not because of pain but because you need to give your skin a break and the constant friction and whatnot, probably isn’t good for your body. Understand that laser-ing  takes mores than on session. Between my legs…is gonna take SIX SESSION. Next are my underarms, my legs and whatever else I can think of. Understand this is a self indugent investment that cost. It’s not a mani/pedi deal. It costs a nice chunk of change. But remember, I HATE shaving. Hair in general grosses me out. I spend so much money on shaving cream, waxing and god knows what else. AND no matter the waxing or shaving, I get ingrown hairs. I needed to make this investment for myself and my beautiful sanity. My vagina is SO gonna thank me later.

COMING UP

That’s all I’m sharing today folks. Next, I’ll talk about the results… so far. I’ll address the questions I’ve been asked. (If you have any please email them to me. I promise to keep your name private but your question is probably valuable for someone else too.) And as promised I’ll give my opinion on women who decide to go “hairless” down there. I mean, aren’t they all just trying to cling to their youth and 1 body? They must all have deep-rooted body issues and somehow thinks it makes them sexier. They can’t possibly understand the significance of why all that hair must stay down there. (please note dripping sarcasm!) Stay tuned for part three of The Little Dragon that Spit on My Vagina. I’ll tell you more of what happened when I took my panties off and the laser got a view most of you will never see.

Print PDF

Share/Bookmark

INTRODUCTION & PREFACE

I share a lot on twitter. Some people would think I share too many “personal” things on twitter. I would conjure to say that its important to me to shed light on things we think should be private when really its more than ok to talk about them. Such as sex, abuse awareness, experiences in dating, religion, politics, Occupy Wall Street or lasering your VAGINA! After tweeting a bit about lasering my body, someone finally asked what exactly was being lasered. This is what I shared.

My great friend Lola later called me to say that among my 15,000 tweets, this was probably her favorite and she wonders if anyone caught what I said. My initial thought was to answer @onblank with “my vagina” but I realized two things. One if I did say “my vagina”, 1,000 twitter spambots would then send me links about vagina, sex acts, an erectile dysfunction aids. I didn’t want that. Two, technically, my vagina wasn’t being lasered. That was the main reason in why I felt I’d need to share my experience because truth be told, we’re wrong if we say our vagina. Technically, my mons pubis and labia majora were being lasered.

Hence the need for this post. Because after announcing my latest adventure/addiction I received so many private messages from women asking about my experience. Maybe they sent them privately because they don’t want the whole world to know their thoughts. Perhaps they are more conservative. Who knows? But from the sheer amount of private messages I received, I knew I needed to share my experience PUBLICALLY.

HISTORY & MY PERSONAL ISSUES

Let’s start with some back story. You know how a LOT of women hate their menustration cycle. Like some women full on despise that time of the month. THEY HATE IT. Its like the worse part of being a woman to them. Or maybe they feel icky, dirty, nasty and horrible. I personally feel no way about it. Its a part of life. It means my body is working and lucky enough I don’t get craps, it last 2 to 3 days and I don’t become an asshole. (Hell, my first pole dancing photoshoot happened when I was on my period.)  I get irritable for two days so I know that I need to spend time alone and I’ve pretty much mastered the Instead Soft Cup so BUH-BYE to bleached cotton up my vagina. Periods, Smeriods! Whatever!

BUT, wanna know what I can’t stand? What freaks me out, makes me feel nasty and can sometimes cause me to vomit? HAIR!!!!!!! Ask any of my close friends. Any one who KNOWS me. For as long as I can remember, I have despised LOOSE HAIR that has left your body, in all forms. For instance, one of the nastiest things to me is washing my hair. I hate it. Because as I detangle and clean my hair, a number of strands naturally shed and it simply grosses me the fuck out. I don’t know why but it does.  YUCK! Or shaving. Shaving in the shower is so gross. I don’t want those little strands of hair off my legs to touch my feet as they wash down the drain. I feel so icky!! When people visit me, I tell them to make themselves at home, do whatever but to MAKE SURE when they are in the bathroom that they clean ALL of their loose strands off the floor and in the shower. I just can’t stand it. Its just a personal issue of mine.

On top of that, the act of shaving annoys me. The fact that I have to keep doing it every couple of days. Its a repetitive activity involving something that disgusts me and there is no way around it. To at least try to make the act bareable, I switched to men’s shaving cream since the smell makes me think of a man and that distracts me for a minute because then I start fantasizing about MAN! But I also suck at shaving. There are permanate spots of my legs where along with shaving my hair, I shaved about five layers of skin off and now hair doesn’t grow there and my skin in those spots is noticeably lighter.

I’ve tried Nair. I’ve tried Nads. I’ve done waxing. I’ve tried it all. I really have. I have no preference on any of those things though. It still involves a period of time where i have to see and possible touch loose strands of hair and THAT GROSSES ME OUT. I used to always maintain that if I ever got elective “surgery”, I wouldn’t. The only thing I’d ever do was get laser hair removal on everything except by eyelashes, eye brows and the hair on my head. But I never did.

TAKING ACTION

Lately though, I’ve been looking for an alternative. I’m tired of shaving. I’m tired of seeing hair. Nothing will change my attitude about it. There’s no Buddha affirmation that’s gonna fix this shit. Trust me. I’ve tried the Law of Positive Thinking and Psyching Your Mind Out when you have Irrrational Issues Regarding Hair. The shit didn’t work.

Plus Buddha and Laws of Transmutation can’t fix my ingrown hairs. My hair is curly so shaving certain areas of my body have led to ingrown hairs. YUCK! Also, since I’m pole dancing almost every day now, shaving at such an alarming rate is making my skin go, “WHAT THE FUCK SHEENA? GIVE ME A BREAK.” I’ve needed to take action. I think the main reason I’ve hesitated is because letting a laser touch my skin freaks me out. No one has done long term studies on it. What if in 30 years, I get a purple fungus growing on my underarm because in my 20′s I decided to let a laser fuck with me. Was vanity worth cancer later? Did I have some notion of beauty and pressure that was leading to an unneccesary procedure? Hmmm.  Fact is, I like smooth skin with no hair. Fact is, ingrown hairs are unsexy and annoying to me. Fact is, hair freaks me out. Fact is, I don’t like shaving, nairing or waxing. Fact is, I needed something different.

I finally felt compelled to try laser hair removal after one of many talks during Pole Flight Club. I’ve written about how awesome Flight Club is but what I didn’t mention was that during and sometimes after as we eat Korean BBQ, we talk about all other things such as the need to get properly fitted for a bra, ideas for building the pole community AND the benefits for laser hair removal. After mentioning my hesitant desire to try it out, I received an awesome email from Aerial Amy regarding a sale that was running at PULSE  Skincare Center. I called that very day, after spending some time on their website, and I made my first appointment. It was time to take action!

COMING UP

That’s all I’m sharing today folks. Soon I’ll explain what I mean by “the little dragon spitting on my vagina.” I’ll share the questions I was asked and how I answered them. I’ll even share my thought process of women who go hairless “down there”. Do they have a distorted view of beauty? Are they feeling pressured by their lover to have the vagina of a 9 year old? Are they denying their authentic femininity? Are they fucking crazy and suffer from low self esteem? Should they grab a mirror, look at their vagina and whisper positive loving words instead? Yeah, stay tuned for part two of The Little Dragon that Spit on My Vagina. I’ll tell you happened when I took my panties off and shit got real personal!

Have a great day!

Print PDF

Share/Bookmark