I’m not sure why my heart gets so tender when I think about people who have cared for me. The smallest but kindest gesture makes such a difference. Sometimes just having someone stop to look you in the eye and see you….sometimes even that can bring me to tears. Sigh.

Perhaps its because people can feel so alone at time. Honestly speaking, I rarely feel alone. I know there are people who love and care for me and who upon notice would be there for me in an instant. However, the times when I feel the most isolated and vulnerable and so alone is when I am sick. I don’t know why but that’s when my mind can reach its darkest point. I start to think, what if I get so sick and I die. No one would even know. I live alone. They wouldn’t find out for days. My body will be rotten and they won’t even know.

I’m not sure why my mind goes there but it does. Even if I just have a cold and a bad headache and end up staying home from work, I find that I feel incredibly alone. Perhaps its because I feel physically weak and it just makes for a misreble situation. Although, I must say that last time I was sick, I forced myself to have a positive attitude. I refused to complain about the pain, I refused to bitch and moan via twitter or facebook and I just dealt with it. Its amazing how things get better if you focus on being centered and transmuting those highly infectious emotional shifts into productive energy.

I digress.

So….in thinking about a caregiver, Sam and Lola come to mind. I mentioned Lola in my first gratitude post because Lola has been instumental in my sanity. In that post I mentioned how she took care of me after a bad cheerleading accident that lead to me being in a wheelchair. I will never forget how she did so much for during that time. Sweetheart….dear lovely LOLA…thank you for that. And THANK YOU for taking care of me last week too. I can’t even begin to list how you are essential to my life!

As stated above there is also Sam. I mentioned my friendship with Sam when I did the gratitude post thanking Mariah for being such a wonderful part of her life. Sam is also mentioned in many other post too but that’s beside the point. Today I want to focus on Sam again.

Back in July 2009, I had emergency surgery due to a ruptured cysy on my ovaries. Yucky and gross and to this day I wish they had just taken out my ovaries while they were in there messing around. (I don’t want children but that’s a story for another day) But whatever! This surgery was so unexpected and last minute and I was so outside of my mind that I thought I’d still go to work the next day; therefore I was so unprepared for it. By the time surgery began, my phones had died, most people didn’t know what was going on with me and again I felt incredibly alone and isolated. My family lives in another state and therefore I didn’t have my mom right beside me.

Luckily, months before I had given Sam a spare set of keys to my apartment and when I woke up from surgery the next day, Sam was there. (I am such a freaking wuss because as I think about this, I’m tearing up again! Ok, keep it together Sheena!) So, I wake up and Sam is there! She had gone to my apartment and she’d gotten my chargers, she’d gotten me a new set of clothes…including pretty underwear.   She had even picked some books from my bookcase and even a journal for me to write in. There was more in that bag too. I don’t even remember. She got everything she thought I might need because we didn’t know how long I’d be there. She brought flowers and she stayed with me. She just stayed there. As other people came and went, Sam stayed there with me. (Stop crying Sheena!)

Later that day when they released me, Sam even had her new boyfriend at the time come pick us up and take me home. They both helped me up the stairs and helped me settle into bed and continued to check on me throughout my recovery. (Thanks Mariah for doing that!)

Sam. Lola. My heart is full of love and gratitude. I feel like I’ve got it going on and my life is great and all that blah blah but the moment I’m sick or physically hurt and in great pain, I feel so incredibly alone. I feel like I might die and no one will know and no one will help. What if I die alone? And you two…you both were there. And you thought of the little details like journals and pretty panties and sweeties, that makes all the difference! Thank you so much for being my friend and for staying and for being there! It means the world to me!

More information regarding this challenge can be found below.

The Gratitude Thanks Adventure

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Whether your working day is spent in with other people sitting or working near you, or it’s spent in front of a digital window to the internet, there are people with whom you brainstorm, collaborate, join forces, team up, or just chat about business. Who helps you make it through the tough office days? Who’s your go-to guy or gal? Who’s on your team that never fails to come up with a creative solution? Who’s the one that never lets you down? Today’s a good day to thank that person. It’ll brighten their Monday–and hopefully yours too.

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I seldom talk about my day job and I won’t start now, so I’ll focus on my evening job. Stage Managing! Being a freelance stage manager for multiple theaters means that I work with EVERYONE. I’m in constant contact with designers, directors, producers, actors, crew members, writers, publicity…I mean, I work and interact with everyone on all sorts of levels so that the show can be as successful as possible.

One person who has always made my job easier, better, more efficient and amazing has been my friend Natalia. The first show we did together was Boneyard Prayer at Redmoon theater and she was the “assistant stage manager.” Honestly, she was my partner. The playbill should have read “Co-Stage Manager.” I’m not one for levels and titles and it grates against my nerves when I work with those who are.

(Here’s a snippet of her during rehearsal for Winter Pageant 2009 at Redmoon.)

Natalia however has made every show amazing. If I could pick one person to work on a stage management team with me for the rest of my life, it would be her. Whenever I’m hired and given the choice to pick an “assistant,” I always insist its her! We have our own language. We have our own strengths and weaknesses. We have a good time. We just have the flow that makes it work. She’s low key, silly but she’s a hard worker.

(In this photo you can see both our laptops as we track the script, cues, props and build the show during rehearsal)

I’ve always heard that good actors and actresses are a dime a dozen. Every other person I encounter in New York is an actress, I swear. But finding a good, hard working, exceptional stage manager is rare. Finding a duo team that works perfectly together is heaven. Team Sheena and Natalia is the best stage management team you will ever have if you are working on a show. Just saying!

You can see a clip of the show that was my favorite to work on below. Boneyard Prayer.

More information regarding this challenge can be found below.

The Gratitude Thanks Adventure

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I liked last week’s Gratitude Free-For-All enough that I’m thinking it may become a regular feature, sort of like the Friday Menageries. I wasn’t crazy about the title, so I came up with a new one. I initially titled it “Gratitude Sundays” but then decided I really preferred the idea of a Gratitude Sundae: all the good stuff I’m grateful for, with whipped cream & a cherry on top! So, Gratitude Sundae it is. What’s in your gratitude sundae this week?

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1. I’m grateful for all the people sending me their personal stories via youtube due to the topics I talk about. Suicide. Abuse. Depression. Bullying. The courage they have to share what they are going through or have overcome is encouraging and uplifting.

2. This makes me grateful for social media. Yea, I think people share too much on twitter and I’m sick of whore photos on facebook as people’s profile pictures BUT through twitter, facebook, my blog and youtube I’ve been helped or been able to help others with important issues. So…I’m grateful for technology and how we advance and how someone in Britain saw my video and how it made a difference in their day.

3. I’m grateful for the freedom to spend my Sundays how I want. Lots of cups of tea. Netflix movies. And instructions to a dresser I was able to put together myself. Somehow it just made all the difference to have a day to myself.

4. I’m grateful for convienence. Sometimes I just want to click a button and the thing happens and it arrives and its paid for and I never left my bed.

5. I’m grateful for the lingering smell of cologne in my journals. It is always a good idea to spray your journals with your favorite cologne.

6. I’m grateful that at random times throughout the day my friends keep texting me checking in and sending encouraging words. For about five minutes I felt completely isolated and alone as I laid in bed crying the other day. And I had to fight off negative emotions and feelings. And it was…hard. But my friends fought for me to stay present and today, they keep reminding me that I’m not alone, that they love me and that they are thinking of me. I am not alone. You are not alone. It feels that way but you never are. There are so many things that you need to do in life. Keep breathing and keep going!

7. I’m grateful that the planets go in retrograde and that I can blame all the bullshit on them. Silly mercury or venus or whomever!

8. I’m grateful that even though I get paid on the 15th, it shows up in my account days earlier. Just makes me happy.

9. I’m grateful for green tea soy ice cream. Years ago I would have though the maker a fool. No…you are a genius and you should receive a nobel peace prize.

10. I’m grateful that I am safe in so many ways. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Mentally.

11. I am grateful for my own strength.

12. I’m grateful for my cat Granola who knows when to leave me alone and go sit in a corner but then he knows when to come cuddle with me and then he knows when to just stay in the room a few feet away and just watch over me. We have our moments but Granola has made my home so much better.

More information regarding this challenge can be found below.

The Gratitude Thanks Adventure

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