Martha Stewart may not like me after this post but I can live with that. While there are many articles regarding being a wonderful house guest and/or host, I believe the rules are slightly different for the modern day urban house guest. The rules have changed and if you are visiting a friend in a major city, you need to take heed so that you’re invited back again.
In order to understand what kind of person I am and how I live you may want to revisit House Guest and Roommates. I don’t plan on getting into too many details as to why I am the way I am. Just check out that post.
I’m assuming that when you visit Martha Stewart, she’s able to host you in her guest house with a view of the lake. She’s probably hand embroidered towels with your initials on it, created a new cupcake dedicated to your personality, and concocted a color scheme that will bring out your eyes.
This is not Martha Stewart. More than likely if you’re staying with your everyday normal person living in a city like NY, they have a one bedroom with a pull out sofa. Please, who am I kidding! Some of these sofas don’t even pull out. Your host probably works a full time job, is currently a student and may have dance and voice lessons four times a week. Their schedule is jammed packed.
While they’ve opened up their apartment to you, you should take the necessary steps to be proactive during your visit. Sure there are times when you’re staying with a friend that are all about your quality time together. Therefore they’ve taken a day or two off, you plan lots of things together and you have many heart to heart talks. I’m not talking about those visits. This isn’t their vacation. This is yours. Or perhaps you’re in town for an interview, audition or to see the latest Broadway show. Whatever it is, its your visit. You will need to make the most of it!
Sheena’s Tips for Being a Great Urban House Guest
1. Be proactive and do your research. Use Hopstop.com to find your way around the city. It’s a great how to guide for travel by walking, subway, bus or taxi. Use Google Maps. Use the local public transit website travel guides. USE THE INTERNET to plan your trip. This also works for checking out local restaurants and attractions.
2. Don’t expect your host to spend every moment with you. Your host probably has a full time job. They probably have classes. They probably need to go pick up their weekly CSA share across town. They probably have a workshop that they planned three months ago. Checking in with each other here and there, catching a show together or perhaps a meal is normal. But they can’t be your travel buddy during your vacation.
3. If you rent a car, consider all the variables. Considering that your modern day urban dwelling friend lives in a city such as NY, they probably don’t own a car. Heck, they probably don’t have their license. Therefore asking them about parking, gas stations and such will be to no avail. They don’t have a clue. While they can spot a train station five miles away, they couldn’t tell you which side of the street is okay to park on. Therefore, check out articles like Driving and Parking in New York City.
4. Make the bed that you sleep in. If you’re staying on a pull out sofa, it probably means you’re sleeping in the living room. Especially in New York. There are no guest bedrooms for many of us. There is the closet we sleep in and the living room your sofa pulls out into. Every square inch counts. When you wake up, fold the bed back up and put the cushions on the sofa. There’s not enough room to take up so much space if you aren’t sleeping. If you happen to sleep on an actual bed, make that bed too!
5. Clean up after yourself. This isn’t a hotel room. While your host wants you to feel comfortable, it shouldn’t look like your luggage vomited all over their apartment. See point 4! There’s no space for that luxury. If you aren’t using your blow dryer, put it away. Don’t leave your toothpaste on the sink. Keep your pants folded in your carry all. Take up as little space as possible, its NY for goodness sake!
6. Consider alternates to the expected gifts. Every house guest list tells you to bring a gift. A lot of people bring wine. Ugh. I’ll just let you know, if you’re staying with me, you don’t need to bring a gift. See point 4 and 5. There’s no space for extra stuff. While it wasn’t expected, one house guest took me out to dinner, she also mailed me a starbucks giftcard and because it was really hot in my apartment she bought a fan! Now that’s going above and beyond. I mean seriously, she didn’t have to do any of that. But I did need a fan and the gift card and the dinner didn’t add any extra stuff to my apartment. Consider alternatives. If you want, take your host to dinner. Make them dinner. Be creative with your gifting so that you aren’t out of pocket and they aren’t out of space.
7. Be very clear and specific about who or what is traveling with you. It may seem like a “DUH” type of thing but honestly, people are not clear. If you are bringing your boyfriend, pet dog, child or best friend with you, let your host know. Make sure you have explicitly said that someone else is coming with you. Don’t hint at it. Don’t whisper it. Tell them exactly what is going on. More than likely they’ll be fine with it but they need to plan accordingly. Notice I said who or what. If you are traveling in town for a craft convention and you are bringing five boxes of products, supplies and whatnot, you might want to tell your host that. See points 4, 5, and 6. In the urban setting…there probably isn’t space for that and you should consult your host.
8. Keep your weird habits to a minimal. If you wake up at 5 am and yodel as your form of meditation…I don’t know, go to the nearest park and do that. You know what I’m talking about. Whatever your quirks are…keep it at a minimal. Honestly speaking its annoying and some of those habits are offensive. I won’t go into details, but I have stories I could tell for days!
I’m not saying, while visiting a friend you’re ass out and on your own. While staying with me, I want you to feel special and at home. I want you to feel free to explore my cabinets, help yourself to what’s in the fridge, use my laptop and ask me any questions. Just don’t ask me a billion questions. There’s a difference of wanting my opinion about the best bagel in NY versus you using me to plan your entire trip.
Before I moved to New York, I would visit multiple times a year and stay with two dear friends of mine. Amber and Lydia. Both these ladies had full time jobs or were in school. Lydia usually had a rehearsal or show going on. Amber worked crazy hours and I knew that even though I was visiting them, I was more so using their place as a free crash pad. It’s ok! My place is a free clean beautiful crash pad for any friends travelling through New York too. But I made myself sparse during these visits. I’d check in with the girls about when someone would be home to let me in if they didn’t have extra keys, we’d make dinner plans and then I went and did my own thing. I’d let them point me in the direction of the train and I’d spend my time exploring the city. Even when I would get lost…which its hard to do in Manhattan since the city is on a grid, I’d just walk around until I found my way again. When the girls had time to spare we’d spend it together at a cafe, watching a show, or just talking and laughing. But I didn’t expect that of them. I didn’t expect them to plan my trip for me or to hold my hand during my stay.
This may sound weird to you but as I mentioned above this is the modern day urban house guest tips. The way my mom would host a guest is very different. My mom likes to plan out my favorite meals, she clears her schedule and she pulls out her favorite dishes and table settings. It’s cute and I love it. If you want that kind of stay…go visit my mom or become friends with Martha Stewart!
This isn’t to say that my place only functions as a crash pad. With the right planning, some of my visitors have come to spend quality time with me. So I did take a few days off, we planned to spend tons of time together and the apartment did become a bit messy from our craziness. But that list is for another day.
On another note, I will say I do feel a little bad about my pantry when guest come over. I know my refrigerator and cabinets have some quirky items in them! Just know I live very close to a grocery store and if you’re staying with me, let me know the type of food you like. I’ll be sure to pick up your favorites! I promise!
What would you add to this list? What would you take away? Do you think I’m completely off base? What say you? I’d love to hear your opinion!!!
I like the two articles below and especially the comments left on the A.T. post.
How to Be a Good House Guest via Woman’s Day
How to Be a Good House Guest via Apartment Therapy
I love spending my money on books, my family and traveling. (That is not in any order of priority. 
)Besides my rent, that’s where a lot of my money goes.
